Kim's Journey to Life

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)

Day117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)

Day 118- Learning How To Learn

Day119- Equality as a Student

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Day 118- Learning How To Learn

This blog is a continuation from: Day117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9) wherein I worked through the fact that my participation in thoughts as ‘imaginings’ about school assignments I have to do (or any work/asks in life) actually sets me up to struggle needlessly through them. Here I am ‘re-training’ myself in a way, to simply move through the work/assignments/tasks as the actual reality of them, and not the version of them that I had crated in my mind. I had spent the majority of my school career in a state of either overwhelming-ness/anxiety, or avoidance/procrastination, instead of remaining stable and working through it step by step to the best of my ability.

The following are self-commitments and self-corrective statements that relate to the

self-forgiveness from this blog: Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)
I

commit myself to stop my addiction to the stress/panic/anxious energy I derive from thinking about up-coming assignments, tests and projects, by stopping myself from following the thoughts that leads from one stress to the next to the next, creating an insurmountable wall of work that I would never be able to do if it were the reality of the situation, however, it is not the reality of the situation, it is a complete self/mind-created wall created by compressing time in my mind to bring all the work I have to do here to daunt me.

When and as I see that I am creating stress/anxiety within myself by/through thinking about future assignments I have to do, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to stability by simply stopping my participation in the thought by breathing through it within the realization that I am either busy working on the assignment, or I am not working on the assignment, and if I am not working on the assignment, there is then no need to be thinking/stressing about the assignment/future assignments/all assignments I have yet to do. I see, realize and understand that the stress, overwhelming-ness and anxiety I create will only serve to diminish me and my ability to perform well during tests/studying/working on assignments.

I commit myself to eradicate myself of the ‘getting out of the work’ character, by stopping creating the work in my mind as something bigger than it is, within/through creating an energetic experience out of it, which I then react to within wanting to ‘get out of the work’, when I can instead stop the entire patterns from the beginning.

When and as I see that I am triggering the ‘getting out of the work’ character through starting to imagine all the work I have to do thus making it seem ‘big and impossible’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-directed movement in the physical through breath by reminding myself that I can choose to stop the entire pattern

play-out by stopping my participation within/as these first thoughts that trigger the entire cascade of thoughts. I see, realize and understand that it is unnecessary to even ‘go there’, and that when I do ‘go there’, it is a form of self-sabotage that keeps me from moving myself Here.

I commit myself to organizing myself within a schedule that works for me, by leaving myself enough time to work/study, and to actually apply myself within that given time, to do the best that I am able to do, within the understanding that I am continuously able to improve myself.

When and as I see that I am needlessly thinking about my schoolwork, and imagining it here all at once thus creating a sense of overwhelming-ness and stress within/as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to reality by reminding myself that I can only do one thing at a time, till it’s done, and I move myself to set a schedule wherein I set time a side to work, an within that time I do the work, and at other times I do not think/imagine scenarios about the work, within the realization that that is only self-sabotage and that is unacceptable because it only serves to limit/diminish/sabotage me.

I commit myself to bring myself back here, constantly, continuously and diligently until it is Who I Am, by remaining vigilant about what exactly is going on in my mind, so that I do not let my mind ‘get away with it’ in unawareness. In this:

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for my thoughts, so that they are not directing me, until I am able to direct myself as an aware choice in every moment.

When and as I catch myself as my mind creating experiences within/as me in unawareness, such as imagining about all my schoolwork thus creating anxiety and overwhelming-ness, I stop, and I breathe. I patiently bring myself back Here in breath and move myself as a self-directed choice to either do some work or do that which my environment requires of me in that given moment.

I commit myself to stop making that which goes on in my mind ‘real’ by participating within/as it and giving it my attention, and instead I commit myself to only deal with actual reality, not imaginary scenarios of insurmountable walls of work that don’t even exist in reality.

When and as I see that I am making anxiety and overwhelming-ness about school real by participating within/as it, giving it my attention and reacting to it, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to reality within the realization that that which is real is Here, tangible and doable, as it plays out over space-time and only accumulates when I participate within/as avoidance and procrastination, both of which are in my control to not participate within and as throughout my day. I see, realize and understand that it is possible to accumulate a lot of work, but it’s not necessary to stress about it if I haven’t done that- and even if I have, it’s still not necessary to react to it, but rather to simply work through it as I am able, walking through the consequences of procrastination/avoidance, and reminding myself not to repeat such patterns when/as the situation arises again.

I commit myself to wake up from the delusion that it is possible to ‘lose myself’ in the stress/anxiety I create, within the realization that I have the power to, at any moment, take a breath and bring myself back here, where the delusion would fall away in an instant, because I Am Here and have only ever been Here, proving the delusion was not and is never real.

When and as I see that I have created the experience of being ‘lost’ within anxiety/overwhelming-ness, I stop, and I take a breath to bring myself back Here, within the realization that such a delusional belief is an abdication of self-responsibility because it is making the statement that my mind is bigger/more complicated than Me, when in fact I am the creator of everything that goes on in my mind. I see, realize and understand that I am creating in every moment, and that if I am not present and aware I will create experiences that I do not understand, and thus it will seem like I am ‘lost’ within them. However, with self-investigation through writing, and through practising being present and aware in every moment, I am able to undo this experience, and to teach myself through understanding, how to NOT create it again.

To be continued…

To learn these self-supportive writting tools visite DIP LITE

For the entire series:

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)

Day117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)

Monday, November 5, 2012

Day 117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)

This blog is related to yesterday’s blog in that the following self-commitments and self-corrective application statements are tied in to the self-forgiveness statements made in yesterday’s blog. This is part of a series of blogs based around teaching myself how to be an effective student, essentially, how to learn, above and beyond simply memorizing and regurgitating information, but actually developing an understanding of the material by moving myself in real-time through the material, outside of the influence, interruptions, distractions and frustrations of the mind. Yesterday’s self-forgiveness assisted and supported me to peel back the layers of self-dishonesty revealing self-sabotage that I had/have been participating in as a way to keep myself distracted, diverted and ‘up in my mind’ as I had been trained to do my whole life, through school, media, television, society, etc… instead of simply moving myself as Life, here, present and aware in each moment.

I commit myself to look at and face the reality of the tasks I have to do by slowing myself down to real time, physical breath by breath time within the realization that I cannot effectively move faster than physical reality, which is what I’m attempting to do when and as I participate in imagining myself working through an being done my work/task/assignment before I evn start or while I’m in the midst of doing it.

When and as I see that I am going into the mind and imagining myself doing a task/work/an assignment in my head/mind/imagination and imagining it being easy and quick I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to real time by reminding myself that I cannot move/learn faster than I am physically able, and I am only physically able to move one breath at a time.

When and as I see that I am participating within/as judgments about the assignments I have to do wherein I imagine them being ‘easy’ or ‘difficult’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to reality by reminding myself that I am creating unnecessary relationships to the work/task/assignment within judging it, wherein there is no way I am able to know beforehand what level of ‘difficulty’ it will be until I actually do it, and that it is not a matter of difficult’ or ‘easy’, but simply a matter of moving myself through the work and doing that which is required to be done to get through the work/task/assignment as effectively as possible.

I commit myself to align myself with real time movement by catching, stopping my participation within, and breathing through the judgments I create and manifest within and as me with regards to how fast/slow I am moving, and how ‘easy’/’difficult’ the work is that I am doing.

When and as I feel that moving in real/physical/breath-by-breath time is painfully slow, I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to self-movement within the realization and understanding that it only seem slow because I am used to quantum-mind time, and it only seems painful because I am withdrawing from an addiction to energy, which is not present in real-time movement, wherein I only have myself moving me, and not energy/energetic experiences, so it feels like an emptiness/withdrawal, which is actually cool feedback that I’m on the right track, thus I embrace the experience and stand one and equal to it, as it, and stand up from within it through not allowing it to direct me, but instead to moving myself with/as it and thus changing with/as it.

I commit myself to walk through and learn from the consequences I have created/manifested for myself through separating myself from myself/Here through my participation in the mind, so as to not recreate these experience for myself, but to instead learn from them and change by changing the starting point of Who I Am within facing work/tasks/assignments.

When and as I see that I am creating, manifesting and participation in the ‘get out of the work’ character as a try/attempt to not face the self-created consequences of resistances towards the work I have to do, I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself to embrace the consequences, which I experience as resistances, ‘slow-ness’, ‘painful-ness’ and frustration/avoidance, by breathing from within/as them, and remaining constant/Here until they dissipate, and I place one foot in front of the next and move myself regardless of ‘how I feel’, thus proving to myself that I am the directive principle of me, and I decide who/how I am in any/every moment, thus taking myself back from the direction of the mind, bringing the responsibility of who I am back to myself and directing it as I would like it to be.

I commit myself to face assignments/work/tasks fully as my whole self, taking every step forward, back, around and through the work until the work is done and I am satisfied.

When and as I see that I am trying to make my imagination of the work as ‘fast’ and ‘easy’ real by not fully applying myself, by skimming over parts, or by finishing before I am satisfied, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to wholly operating Here by slowing down and making sure that I am satisfied with every step of the task/assignment/work before I move on to the next step, taking each step as an entirety and working from beginning to end within/as each step I must take to get through the work/task/assignment.

I commit myself to taking myself back from the self-separation of my imagination and bringing myself back to Here as present and aware, breathing in physical reality.

In my next blog I will move on to the point of creating a ‘wall’ out of nothing by bringing all my assignments/tasks/work I have to do Here in one moment, compressing time into something bigger/scarier/more stressful than it actually is- because in fact I can only take things one at a time, and that is the only way to effectively get through everything.

To learn these self-supportive writting tools visite DIP LITE

For the entire series:

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

In my last blog I gave a little update-type of post, and within this blog I am continuing with the ‘getting out of the work’ character, for context visit:

This is a character I go into and have gone into since the beginning of my academic career. It is an actual manifestation of myself as one who will do anything to not do the work that is required of me. This character is triggered by all sorts of

thoughts/feelings/emotions/beliefs/memories etc… that emerge within me when there is a difficult task, in this case, schoolwork which I find hard, thus activating this entire character within and as me that I have to fight with in order to move myself to get down to just doing the damn work.

It’s really not that complicated, yet I have made it so for myself over the years, decades now even, and so now here I am dealing with it. Untangling the web, tracing back each thread to its source so that I can take out the knots and kinks that bind me in order to re-create myself as a self that is capable of self-support.

Continuing herewith, the imagination dimension:

Yet another dimension of a character. When and as I am faced with schoolwork, what things seem to ‘pop’ into my head that can be classified as imaginings:

1) I imagine myself starting the work, and then effortlessly zipping right through it without the least bit of effort, and then getting on with my life.

The consequence of this is that it is obviously not in any way aligned with reality, therefore when I actually do sit down to do the work, and I read about what is going to be required of me, as soon as I see that it’s not going to be easy and effortless I’ll have a reaction. So, what I am not considering is the amount of

time that will be involved in doing the work, and the multitude of steps, both forward and backward, that inevitably take place within my studies and getting through the work.

2) I imagine an assignment I have to do, then I think about another assignment I have for another class, and then I think about the exams, and eventually I have compressed time and I’m now looking at all the assignments I’m going to have to get through and it just seems like this insurmountable wall of work that I’m looking at.

The consequence of this is that when I do sit down to do the work, it feels like I’m moving so increadibly slowly, and that I’m barely sratching the surface of what I’m going to have to get through in the next week/month/semester ad it’s like “how am I going to do this all?”

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my schoolwork as being super easy and seeing and visualizing myself ‘zipping’ through it in no time at all, wherein, when it comes time to actually sit down and do the work, I find myself feeling overly discouraged when and as I face a point that will require extra time and effort- more so than I had planned for within my unrealistic imagining of the event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an unrealistic scenario in my head, wherein all my schoolwork seems extremely easy and quick, when I know in fact that this is not so, yet I would sabotage myself by imagining such a scenario within a judgment of the class being easy, or myself being smart and experienced and more advanced in my studies than this class is designed for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some classes as easy, when I know through having learned from experience that even introductory courses require learning concepts, memorizing information, reading lengthy texts and understanding and integrating new information, and can be just as difficult, or require just as much application as the more advanced classes I have taken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as more advanced because I have taken more difficult courses than the ones I am currently in, wherein I lead myself to imagine that these courses should be easier, when in fact I have seen that such a tendency to imagine the work being easy for me has only ever created the opposite effect, because I approached the work within the belief that I would not have to apply myself as much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach any work within the belief that I will not have to apply myself as much, within the assumption that applying myself takes more effort, when in fact applying myself only requires me to be present while I am working, and not applying myself is simply me allowing myself to be lazy, to be preoccupied, to be distracted and to be 'up in my mind' fantasizing and day dreaming which is always avoiding real life and creating more work and more consequences for myself. Thus, I see, realize and understand that fully applying myself is a skill that becomes ‘easier’ as I practice it, while avoiding applying myself always creates more work for myself soon after.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to justify for myself reasons to be lazy and avoid applying myself, such as ‘I have already done the hard stuff’ and ‘this work will be easier,’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within approaching work from a starting point of equality and oneness, all work is the same in terms of Who I Am within doing the work, as I will not accept Who I Am as lazy and as avoidance within anything I do, within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as Who I Am as equal and one with/as presence and awareness, diligence, patience and discipline within my starting point when and as I approach schoolwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within a starting point of laziness and avoidance within doing my schoolwork/approaching doing work.

To be continued….

To learn these self-supportive writting tools visite DIP LITE

For the entire series