Blog Series- Becoming an Effective Student

Day 106- I Just Go Crazy

Day 107- Getting Out of the Work

Day 108- Just Doing the Damn Work

Day 109- Fully Committing to Studies
Day 110- Fully Committing to My Studies (pt. 2)
Day 111- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt. 3)
Day 112- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 4)

Day114- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 6)
Day 113- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 5)
Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)
Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)
Day117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)
Day 118- Learning How To Learn
Day119- Equality as a Student
Day121- Calming the Waves of Frustration
Day 122- I Am No Match For ME

Day123- Controlling Self in the Face of Many Temptations

Day 124- Pursuing Likes and Avoiding Dislikes Is Not Really Living

Day 125- A Prisoner to Addiction

Day 126- Is Forcing Myself Abuse?

Day 127- From Slave to Master of Myself

 

 

Day 111- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt. 3)

This blog is continued from the specific self-forgiveness statements made in my last blog wherein I took on the specific fears that I hold in my mind in relation to ‘getting out of doing the work’, and how I use them to justify not doing homework assignments (and many things in life, but focusing here specifically on my studies, as that is what I am currently confronting). My goal is to work through my assignment, step by step, without all the unnecessary ‘mind-babble,’ or ‘mind-noise’ that distracts me, frustrates me and ‘causes’ me to procrastinate and stress out, instead of just remaining Here and fully applying myself within my work.

So, to check out the blog from which the following statements are directly related, click here.

I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am creating and manifesting the fear that I will not understand the assignment, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence and awareness by reminding myself that I do not have o participate in this fear and can simply let it go, because I see, realize and understand that if I were to participate in the fear, it will lead to the fear of not doing my work well, then to the fear of being judged by the teacher, which leads me to contemplate giving up before I even start, which makes it more difficult to start which then leads to procrastination, which leads to rushed work, which causes stress, which leads to poor work. Within this, I see how my decision to follow even one thought, as a fear in this instance, can lead to an entire ‘cascade’ of thoughts and fears which create resistances within me, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that by slowing the mind down, I can ‘catch’ the thought when and as it arises, and then give myself that opportunity to make the self-directed decision to not follow it, in which case, I simply breathe myself out of the mind and into the body, and continue reading/working on my assignment uninterrupted.

I commit myself to stop creating self-limiting fears within and as me, by slowly learning, practicing and becoming aware of the fears as they arise in one single thought, and stopping them there where it’s most simple and easy for me to do so (instead of accepting/allowing myself to ’build it up’ into an entire ‘cascade’ or ‘entity’ that then directs me as fear instead of me directing myself Here, as Who I Am as presence and awareness, as diligence and discipline, as patience and self-understanding). Within this:

I commit myself to stop myself from accepting and allowing the self-limiting fears to exist/grow within and as me by stopping myself from continuously bringing p past memories of past moments where I did not understand the assignment and so I did it wrong and failed, or feared to fail, wherein I will in my mind, take quick glimpses of that memory as a ‘reminder’ to myself of the fears I have participated in in the past, thus bringing forth that past energetic experience into the present moment as if it were Here with me as my reality, when in fact I can clearly see, realize and understand that my reality is the present moment and thus subject to my self-direction, in which case I can direct myself to change my behavior and NOT re-live/repeat past instances of failure or fear of failure, but rather live each moment as a new moment, wherein I can apply myself to be/become that which I wish to be and become.

I commit myself to simply let go of the old memories that I hang on to which do not serve me in any way whatsoever, by constantly and continuously, diligently and patiently, and within self-discipline and self-understanding, keep bringing myself back to the present moment using the tool of breath, human physical breath that takes place moment to moment, a new breath for each new moment, as breaths cannot be recycled, held onto or re-used, and so I will also live to a certain extent, wherein I will myself to direct each moment as Who I Am Here, instead of by who I was ‘before’ or what I fear.

When and as I see that I am ‘glimpsing’ old memories by accepting/allowing them to seemingly ‘pop’ up randomly I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to the present moment by becoming aware of the fact that I am re-living past memories by identifying them by the feeling or emotional experience they create within/as me; by stopping and deleting them by saying delete out loud or disintegrating them in my mind, I breathe through the emotional or energetic experience they (I) created within me as me, and then take back my self-directive principle by reminding myself that I am at the wheel here, I decide, I direct me. Then I direct myself to either: focus back on the work, take a quick stretch, or breathe for a moment, and then return to my studies.

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To be continued…

Day 70- Posponement Character- Conclusions

This is a continuation of my previous blogs:

 

Day 63- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-63-postponement-character.html

 

Day 64- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-64-postponement-character-self.html

 

Day 65- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/thisis-continuation-from-my-previous.html

 

Day 66- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-66-postponement-character-self.html

 

Day 67- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-67-postponement-character-reactions.html

Day 68- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-68-postponement-character-reactions_17.html

and,

Day 69- http://kimsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/08/day-69-postponement-character-reactions.html

In looking at the ‘postponement character’ I go into in moments when I can and should be applying myself I see the consequences over time of me not living up to my own standards, me not being able to effectively move myself and take on tasks in Life in order to do what’s best for me, thus disempowering myself from being able to do what’s bestfor all as me. In applying the equality equation (1+1=2), I can see that if every human being faces this character within themselves, we end up with a disempowered population that is not able to take care of all, but only able to do what 'they want', when 'they want'.

Because this character is activated only when I require to push myself/perform a task that pushes me and tests my limits, I see that the character has me only doing ‘what I want to do’. When I want to do something that is easy/fun/interesting- I have no problem with getting myself up and going. It is only when the task requires something more of me that I see myself looking to put it off. I have, within these past posts, seen the ‘what’ and ‘how’ I manage this by not taking responsibility for what is going on in my mind and thus, allowing my mind to have directive principle over me.  I am NOT my narrow mind that only exists in self-interest and indulgence. I refuse, and in this refusal I take the initiative to take back my directive principle, and act on principle instead of ‘how I feel inside.’ Thus I will not contribute myself to a humanity that is apparently locked into the internal fears and desires that we call ‘human nature’, but I will rather stand up for Life, and through my application, be the living proof that there is a choice, that All can stand up from within themselves through taking self-responsibility for all of self asLife.

However, in order to effectively move myself, I require to deal with and take responsibility for this character I have developed and played-out over time, that I call the ‘postponement character’, as I cannot afford to postpone from self-change any longer, as time is of the essence. Within these past several posts I have seen that I postpone when I have decided to take on a task or several tasks that push me and test my limits. This involves school, Equal Money and Desteni. All of which require the self-application to learn, understand and integrate new concepts, and move myself to actually DO THE WORK. Actually doing the work is essentially moving myself to change. Thus, I see the singular fear from which the postponement character was born is the Fear of Change.

 

Fear of Change:

-          What I’ve defined myself according to my world which I fear losing?

          In placing myself as this question, the first answer that comes up is ‘relationships.’ Specifically those relationships in my world, such as friends/coworkers/family that I believe that, if I were to change I would lose, because if I were to change, I believe there would be conflict, thus it is easier for me to remain the same, to not stir ‘the water’/cause waves, but rather just have everything stay the same.

          In my next post, I will look more closely at this issue of conflict, and why it is that I don’t believe I can stand stable within conflict, but would rather avoid it and remain trapped within myself, as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become.