Monday, September 10, 2012

Day 82- I can't make a Decision

I am taking a pause from my last blog in order to address a point that came up.

 Within this blog I am going to be looking at myself as an approval seeking character. I find I play this character particularly when it comes time to decision-making; no matter what the size or importance of the decision, from which outfit to wear to who I am going to spend my life with.  It manifests as an indecisiveness and frustration wherein I seek approval and validation for my decisions by talking about them and trying to convince others that I am doing the right thing or making the right choice.

            Obviously this does not end with me making a well thought out decision that’s best for me and best for all. Also, the actions that stem from that decision end up being actions that I find difficult to stand within, because I am not completely responsible for the decision in the first place.  Responsibility plays another role within this character, wherein I abdicate my responsibility to myself and the decisions I make by making others responsible for them. This occurs when I take advice or seek approval/validation and base my decisions on that, instead of taking my own reality and who I am into consideration and making a decision based on these factors, without outside influence.

            Of course it’s cool to get other’s perspectives and hear what others have to say about the choices we are confronted with, but in the end, the choice had to be made for self, by self.

            In the blogs to follow, I will take apart this point with the tool of self-forgiveness, in order to understand it so that I can stop participating in this character and eventiually stop, and change.

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