This is a continuation from days 96 and 97, wherein I am writting through the pain I recently experienced, which is still somewhat here, with the support from this article, excerpts of which are written in italics.
“Also, I suggest to have a look where and with whom, specifically within your world, you are still accepting / allowing you to react to, specifically related to the words mentioned above and apply self forgiveness accordingly. With each person you look at the following questions:
Why am I reacting towards this being? What do they represent to which I am reacting? What within them have I not yet accepted within me? What within them do I react to which I have not yet dealt with within me?
And so you answer the questions for yourself and apply self forgiveness. Then, you 'test' your self forgiveness application in their presence. If you still react, the self forgiveness is not specific and direct enough. And so you continue until you no longer react to human beings when you're in their presence.
Realize that they are you assisting and supporting you to show you where specific self application is still required.”
“
Anxiety Strain Fear Uncertainty Judgment
Resistance
“Also, I suggest to have a look where and with whom, specifically within your world, you are still accepting / allowing you to react to, specifically related to the words mentioned above and apply self forgiveness accordingly. With each person you look at the following questions:
Why am I reacting towards this being? What do they represent to which I am reacting? What within them have I not yet accepted within me? What within them do I react to which I have not yet dealt with within me?
And so you answer the questions for yourself and apply self forgiveness. Then, you 'test' your self forgiveness application in their presence. If you still react, the self forgiveness is not specific and direct enough. And so you continue until you no longer react to human beings when you're in their presence.
Realize that they are you assisting and supporting you to show you where specific self application is still required.”
“
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to react in anxiety towards a being because I have equated this person
to my effectiveness, yet this person, as all people, reflect back to me all the
ways in which I am not yet effective, thus, each and every person will show
me/give me opportunities to see myself and that which I have not yet
faced/dealt with, so that I may do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to react in strain towards a being because I believe/perceive that I am
responsible for this person’s process and self-realization, instead of
realizing that each one can only do so for self within and as
self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to react within and as fear towards a being due to my participation in
my secret mind which I fear being exposed/called out/held responsible for,
instead of taking self-responsibility to stop the thoughts that are not equal
and one with life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to react within and as uncertainty toward a being because there is so
much that I would like to express and ask but I haven’t yet because I’ve been
waiting for the ‘right time’, only to realize there might not be a ‘right time’
for certain things, while other things require patience as well as diligence
and a commitment to myself to sort out within my relationship to this person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to react within and as judgment to/towards a being, instead of speaking
common sense in the opportune moments, and/or bringing the judgment back to
self when necessary.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to react within and as resistance to a being when and as I feel fear to
speak up for myself because of the possibility of conflict, instead of taking a
moment to stop, and breathe and speak from a starting point of oneness and
equality as Who I Am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to react towards a being because they represent the belief I hold that change
is not possible, it’s too hard and I am unable to be the diligence, commitment
and patience I require to be with/for myself within this process of
self-change, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that throughout
this entire process, all I have ever done is constantly and continuously proven
to myself that change IS possible, but that it is not instant, it requires
building myself up as the patience, diligence and to stand within and as the
commitments I make to/for/with myself, which is also a process, and one that I
am willing to walk.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to react to a being because they represent my former ideologies that this world
is doomed, humanity is doomed and there is no point to our existence, and if
anyone tries to fool me into believing there is a point and that humanity is
not doomed, then I would react within anger and disbelief, instead of seeing,
realizing and understanding that Life is the point of Life, and I will only
ever view it as ‘doomed’ so long as I view myself as ‘doomed’- and that I will
only view myself as ‘doomed’ if I know I will never challenge myself to change,
and within this, seeing/realizing/understanding that I in fact have challenged
myself to look at my human nature and change it, and have only shown myself that
change is possible, and another way of Life is possible, and that each one only
ever ‘dooms’ oneself by existing within and as the limitations of beLIEfs
without ever actually moving self to prove to oneself what is ACTUALLY
possible.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to react to a being because I see that person living out the same patterns over
and over without taking a step back and looking at themselves and what they are
doing/not doing to perpetuate seemingly endless cycles of self-abuse, instead
of looking at myself and seeing where I need to take a step back in order to
see where I am still participating in seemingly endless cycles of self-abuse,
and then calling myself out, stopping, and changing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to react to a being because the being is representing the life I used to live,
wherein I identified with certain things and believed they were Life, that they
were ‘really living’, wherein, now I see differently, and I see within my reaction
to this being that I still have not let go of the value and importance I have
placed on certain things from my ‘old life’- things which never got me
anywhere, which were self-destructive and which were but a distraction keeping
me from facing myself in reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself
to hold on to the belief that drinking, partying and going out to bars and
getting wasted are ‘what living is all about’, because I see, realize and
understand that these things never got me anywhere, were only ever self-destructive,
and were but a distraction keeping me from facing myself Here. Self-expression,
enjoyment and REAL living DO NOT require alcohol, in fact, drinking alcohol and
getting drunk are the opposite of living as it is the manifestation of
self-defeat.
