Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Feeling Out-of-Place at a Party: micro-blog from Desteni Universe

I went to a party and felt incredibly uncomfortable. I was probably the youngest and only single, non-parent there. I was living in South Africa living a life so completely different than the attendees, who were mostly in their careers, buying homes and raising families. Looking at it, one would assume we  would have a lot to talk about and share... but the emotional experience I was having was crippling me from being comfortable enough in my own skin to "just be myself"

Here is a recording from a person that died and is now speaking through the interdimensional portal. I still struggle a bit with this point, but this recording gives some practical steps for how to approach 'just being yourself' in new situations.

Just Be Yourself - Life Review

"How did this being experience themselves when people told them to “Just be yourself”?
How is this statement unrealistic for most people in the world as it exists now?
How does this statement open up the question “Who am I?”?
What suggestions does this being have for entering into new situations and/or meeting new people?"

For now, from me: some Self-forgiveness on feeling out-of-place at a party I would have rather liked to enjoy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for feeling alien and out-of-place at social interactions like a house-party.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I have nothing to say, nothing in common with, no interest in and am bored by people my age at a house party or social event, within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge house-parties as boring and lame, thinking and believing that there are so many better and more important things we people can be doing with our time, and then judge the people at the parties as also boring and 2 dimensional, only to be proven wrong at times when I do open up and interact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not easily fitting in, or not enjoying such events as others seem to, thinking, believing and perceiving that I must now behave a certain way in terms of speaking and interacting like the others do, instead of being myself, or being more quiet/reserved/observational if that is who I am.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, upon realizing that I do not have to live up to any behavioural expectations at social interactions, be left wondering who and how I am and how to express it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for sitting quietly and not talking to anyone wherein I feel embarrassed like I am doing something wrong where I look like I am not having fun, looked like i am bored, look like I want to be elsewhere, wherein, if I am really that bored and want to be elsewhere, then that is my responsibility to leave, but if I choose to stay, to then make it work for myself instead of complaining and being bitter.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that the only reason I have made social interactions such as 'house parties' boring, and difficult and alien is because i have for so long tried to live up to a standard, behave in a certain way, be what I'm 'supposed to' be, which will obviously never be an enjoyable experience, where, instead of taking self-responsibility, I've blamed house parties and social interactions for being boring, lame, alien, a bad use of time, etc... and not looking argh I I am within it and how I am actually creating that experience.

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to use social events and house parties as a way to get to know myself better, to have some fun, let loose, let go and play around with different expressions or ways of interacting where I don't 'stick to the rules' I've created in my head, but develop and create new ways, my ways of being, doing and behaving.

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