As I was driving away from the farm for the last time, I didn't want to look back. I have driven away from this farm hundreds of times now, and I always look back. It's so beautiful, I can't help but admire the fields, at one point the horses, the trees, the river, even the buildings appear as though they sprung up out of the ground and belong there.
But this time was different. It was the Last Time. And so this time there was sadness - and I knew this 'looking back' was more me trying to create an emotional experience, a connection to the past. Like trying to take a snapshot and create a memory to hold on to, stagnant in time, keeping a part of ME stagnant.
But Life is not stagnant, it is forever moving, flowing - past, present and future always together in this Here moment - and all I can 'hold on to' is Who I Choose to Be, and thus, Who I Am in every
Here moment - learning from the past, acting in the present, creating the future. The one internal constant is this choice, and the external constant is change.
So I didn't look back this time, I looked forward, cause that's where I'm heading. I'm moving forward and I'm letting go of something I never thought I would have to let go of, and that's terrifying. And its exciting, and it's heartbreakingly sad.
I find with these goodbyes I always have this one last moment of wanting to fight it, to change my mind and hold on. In the past I have followed that decision and held on, and every time it has cycled me through repeating patterns where I inevitably ended up in the same position of choice.
Now it all plays out inside of me in a quantum moment, where I can see the entire pattern from beginning to end, seeing that it always ends up at that point of inevitability, and so I walk through the resistance, surrender the fight, and take that step forward. Full of fear sometimes, yes, but equally full of the courage to keep moving.
Please enjoy these ACTUAL photos I took of this place over the past 2 years - as in, not mental images/memories stuck in time - but physical pictures that I decide when to look at or not: