Day 140- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath (pt 4)

In this blog, I will be purifying and then redefining the word ‘Steadfastness’, in my previous three posts ( read them here: 1, 2, 3), I have done so with the word ‘assertiveness’. I am doing this so that I remove my relationship to the word, the relationship I have created with/towards the word, within which I would seek to experience the word as an experience, rather than actually living the word in my daily breath to breath application of myself as Who I Am.
For example, if I have connected a positive connotation to the word ‘steadfastness’, then I would chase that positive feeling in an attempt to be steadfast, when steadfastness, by its very definition, implies a dutiful consistency regardless of one’s emotional or feeling state. So could I call myself steadfast if I only lived steadfastness in bits and spurts when I was feeling ‘positive,’ ‘motivated,’ or ‘up to it’, wherein, as soon as I fall into a slump of some sort I fall back to old habits? No, obviously not. That is not a living word; that is rather an internal experience based on energy, labeled by a word, which is thus then subject to energy with no consistency, and which can therefore not be trusted. In order for ‘steadfast’ to become a living word as me, it is necessary to learn how to live the word practically. It is necessary to practice being consistent through all the ups and downs I may experience as I stabilize myself, in order to prove to myself that I Am Steadfastness, consistently, until I can trust myself as ‘steadfastness' in each breath, as breath.
First I will write self-forgiveness statements to expose and debunk the definition I currently hold of the word steadfast, so that I can redefine it from a clear starting point, in a practical way that I can actually apply in my life.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfast’ with a positive charge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘steadfastness’ as good/positive/right.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ by charging the word ‘steadfastness’ with a positive charge, and judging the word ‘steadfastness’ as good/right/positive in separation of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfastness’ with the image of an older ‘successful’ male.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfastness’ within the image of an older, successful male.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the image of an older, ‘successful’ male, by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the image of an older ‘successful’ male, in separation of myself.
Obviously, as a woman, I can never be an ‘older, successful male’. However, it is my relationship to the image in my mind, as that which it represents to me, that I am not allowing myself to be, by separating myself from it by creating an image of it in my mind, as if only ‘older, successful males’ are able to embody the word ‘steadfastness’- thus never actually accepting and allowing myself to fully live the word myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word steadfast to the word ‘sturdy’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘sturdy;.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the word ‘sturdy’ by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘sturdy’ in separation of me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfastness’ with the word ‘strong’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘strong’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the word ‘strong’, by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘strong’ in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word steadfast with the word consistent,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word steadfast within the word consistent,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfastness’ and from the word ‘consistent’ by defining the word ‘steadfastness’ within the word ‘consistent’ in separation of myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘steadfast’ to the image of a big tree..
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘steadfast’ within the image of a big tree.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘steadfast’ and from a big tree, by defining the word ‘steadfast’ within the image of a big tree in separation f myself.

Dictionary definition:
Resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering: "steadfast loyalty".
Sounding out the word::
inSTEAD of FASTNESS
New Definition:
Moving with the physical, resolutely and dutifully firm and unwavering breath by breath self-movement with and as the physical. Not becoming swept away by the racing mind, not participating in the energetic forces that occupy one and pull one into the mad rush, the daily rush; the daily race that is the human race; the rat race.
Remaining Here, present and aware, consistently and steadily, bringing self back Here every time, no matter what. Letting go of the want/need/desire to get ‘there’ and to be ‘there’ instead of slowing down to the nearly standstill eternity of Here.

 

 

Day 139- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 3)

I wasn’t completely satisfied with the new definition I had ascribed to Assertiveness in my last post Here. I am re-defining the word so that I could practically apply it in my life and world, without judgment, thus breathing life into the word through my living application and birthing it as a living word within and as me.
I had been thinking about this, but then it really became clear as I was listening to the interview with the cat, wherein, the cat describes how sometimes, in order to be equal and one within assertiveness within a group, one has to ‘lower’ oneself as a bringing oneself down to the level of the weakest or least understood being, in order to understand and communicate with them in an ‘equal and one’ way. This would be to not expect more of them, or for them to ‘rise up’ to your level, if you happen to be more advanced in some way or area. It’s to bring oneself down, humbly, in order to understand the entirety of the being, where they are coming from, why they are that way. To Actually HEAR them, and Listen when they speak. That is what I would want for me, and I certainly have been in situations where others were superior to me in some way and I was NOT treated as an equal. I’ve been in situations where another was superior to me and used that superiority to make me feel less important, less heard, less understood, whether intentionally or unintentionally, as if I didn’t count as much as the more advanced ones. School is very much like this as well. Where slower students are not given the time and dedication they would need to catch up, or to figure out what exactly is the problem.
So, in my previous definition, I had included the word ‘high-ness’, and I found, before I heard the cat interview, that there was too much explaining and defining of other words and conditions. It should be very simplistic, but it wasn’t, and it didn’t ‘flow’. Usually when I re-define words it flows and it comes more easily, whereas ‘assertiveness’ was actually quite a struggle to re-define yesterday.
Once I heard the cat interview I knew it was just ‘off’. It’s cool because, as I was thinking about it before I heard the interview, I realized that I shouldn’t be working with the word ‘assertiveness’, but rather, with ‘assertive’, from which I derived: “A CERTainTy I haVE”, which is cool because the cat emphasized certainty within assertiveness (much like the certainty in a cat’s movement when they are assertive about wanting touch/affection/attention, or food/treats).
Therefore, my new definition of ‘Assertive” is:
I certainty I have, which I build and enhance, through applying the principles of equality and oneness as what’s best for all in my living actions, wherein that certainty would naturally emerge, first as a presence, and then into my living application, as I clarify and stabilize my stand as Who I AM in my Life and World.

To explore yourself and reality through writing, and developing a platform of self-support, try out this free course: DIP LITE

 

 

 

Day 138- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 2)

For context as to why I am purifying and re-defining these word to living words, visit my previous blog: Day 137- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ to the word ‘rude’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘rude’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertiveness’ and from the word ‘rude’ by defining the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘rude’ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ with the word ‘angry’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveness within the word ‘angry’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertiveness’ and from the word ‘angry’ by defining the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘angry’ in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ with the word ‘frustrated’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveess’ within the word ‘frustrating’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertiveness’ and from the word ‘annoying’ by defining the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘annoying ‘ in separation of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertiveness’ with the word ‘aggressive’,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertiveness’ within the word ‘aggressive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the word ’assertiveness within the word ‘aggressive; in separation of myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to

fear assertive people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that I can’t stand up to assertive people.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertive people are trying to get or take something from me, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that they will in fact get or take it because I will not be able to stand up to them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertiveness serves only to gain something or to take something from another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to thin/believe/perceive that assertiveness is the same as bullying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertiveness is used to push people to do something they would not otherwise to, in the self-interest of the assertive person;

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that assertiveness does not necessarily have to be used in self-interest to forward/advance/improve one’s own condition at the sake of another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as ‘not assertive’ because I think/believe/perceive assertiveness as an undesirable trait.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge people that I have defined as ‘assertive’ because I think they are trying to get something unfairly.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize/understand that assertiveness can actually be an effective tool for change and realization.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to retract and recoil within myself in the presence of assertive people or in the face of assertiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel bad when I ‘m assertive because I think/believe/perceive that it causes others to retract and recoil within themselves.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive that assertiveness only ever takes place in self-interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself as assertiveness because I fear I will be taking advantage of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe/perceive assertiveness necessarily implies that others must submit.

I commit myself to asserting myself as the self that I am within, through fear and resistance and self-doubt of myself as the mind, until I am that self that stands, constant and stable in every breath.

I commit myself to stand in the face of assertiveness as equal and one as assertiveness as me, wherein I do not place myself as 'less-than' assertiveness or assertive people, but rather stand firm, stable, clear, as certain as who I am.

I commit myself to trust myself as assertiveness, and to not use assertiveness to abuse myself or others in any way whatsoever.

I commit myself to assert myself as an equal, not greater or less than anything or anyone.
 

When and as I see I am retracting or recoiling in the face of assertiveness, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to equal and one assertiveness by reminding myself that Who I Am is not decided by others manurisms and behaviours, and who others are is simply a result of who and how they have lived, which has nothing to do with me, only what I represent to them. Thus, equal and one communitcation is still possible, and if not, then not. It is a choice on both parts, and I, as equal and one as assertiveness, assert myself to be this/as this choice, by not closing myself off and putting up walls or becoming defensive. I remind myself that nothing of me can be taken by another, nothing can be diminished by another. Only I can take from me and diminish myself, and I stand clear and certain that I am stopping this now, and no longer accepting and allowing such self-abuse within me, as me.

Dictionary definition:

Assertive:
1) Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
2) Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
3) Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive.
Sounding out the word:

Assertiveness

sounds like: A certain highness

I would say, the word makes the specific distinction that it is a ‘certain’ high-ness because it is specifying that we generally associate ‘high-ness’ with being better-than, or some kind of

comparison with others wherein there is judgment and a ‘winner’ and a ‘loser’. Like the word ‘highness’ as in ‘your highness, the king’, wherein the king’s life is somehow seen as more important and more valuable than the ‘commoners’ or the 'peasants’. Or 'get off your high horse', because one sees oneself as 'better than' others.... Nooooo. In my definition, the ‘high-ness’ is solely a comparison within self, as ‘who am I right now’ vs ‘who I would like to be’, ‘how have I limited myself’, vs ‘how will I now push ,my limits’, and ‘have I lived for myself only’ vs ‘have I lived in such a way that I will be leaving something worth living for for the generations o come’? So, it’s cool that the word ‘certain’ is in there because it important to make that distinction.
It's also cool that the word 'certain' is in there because there is a 'certainty' within assertiveness, wherein, one would have to be certain about what is abuse, what is alligned with the principle of equality and oneness, and what is necessary to be done in each moment. Without certainty, these things are not efficient and effective. Certainty is requireed to be assertive in an efficient and effective way.

New definition of 'assertiveness' that I can live:

Wherein one no longer accepts the limited self, enslaved by the thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgments, self-doubt, etc…. of the mind, but instead bases self on the physical reality that is Here, which is superior to the mind in every way. Wherein, in self-honesty, one elevates oneself with certainty to the ‘higher ground’ of no longer accepting abuse as the status quo, which is beneath us all,. Where one alligns oneneslf with certainty to the ‘higher cause’ of equality and oneness as life, above individuality and ego. And to recognize the absolute humility of doing so, of daring oneself to be ‘nothing’ for the sake of everything.

To explore yourself and reality through writing, and developing a platform of self-support, try out this free course: DIP LITE

 

 

 

Day 137- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath

I am going to be exploring the meanings of these words: “Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath”. I am doing so because, at the moment, they are only words to me, and not a living reality that I understand and practically apply in my life. This is important because practical application of these words is required.

First I will have a look at the dictionary definition of both ‘assertive’ and ‘steadfast’:

Assertive:
1) Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
2) Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views
3) Given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive.

 

When I look at these words, I see that I have a reaction towards words such as ‘aggressive’, ‘bold’, ‘demands’ and ‘dogmatic’- which are words that, when I face them in others I would be ‘put off’ due to judgments I have made about them. I would judge them as ‘abrasive’, ‘annoying’, even ‘rude’. I see that in the past I would NOT want to be in a conversation with someone who possessed these traits, and I would in fact have the tendency to avoid them. So now to look at Why this is so:

The reaction I ‘m having towards these words is that, if I were in conversation with someone that possessed the qualities they describe, I would feel ‘less-than’, I would feel like I were talking to a wall, I would feel frustrated and angry because I judge myself as ‘not assertive’, and I would feel like the other person was ‘more valid’ simply because they were more assertive. I also see the fear of not being able to stand up to an assertive person, which makes me feel angry and resentful towards them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with a negative charge.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the word ‘assertive’ as bad/negative/wrong.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the internal experience of ‘less-than’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive with the internal experience of ‘less-than’ thus creating a relationship to the word ‘assertive’ in separation of myself, because in doing this, I will never in fact GIVE myself the opportunity to BE assertive MYSELF.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ with the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from the word ‘abrasive’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within the word ‘abrasive’ in separation of myself.

Sometimes it is necessary to be assertive, and to be abrasive, for example when I am standing up within myself and not accepting/allowing abuse from another. In this type of situation I wouldn’t want my relationship to the word be such that I would avoid standing up for myself for fear of the very same judgment I have placed on the word itself. Instead, I would give myself the opportunity to be/become the living word, as me, in moments where such a being/becoming is required. Where no judgment is necessary.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘assertive’ to ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the word ‘assertive’ and from ‘talking to a wall’ by defining the word ‘assertive’ within ‘talking to a wall’ in separation of myself.
I will not separate myself from assertiveness through creating the ‘walls’ I perceive others to become, and which I myself become. Instead I take down my walls of separation brick by brick through equal communication, understanding and self-honesty, so that eventually no walls exist between human beings and we realize we are all simply Here, coming from the same source and going to the same place. The walls we have built are walls built in self-interest due to fear and survival, because we live in a world of fear and survival, where we are pitted against each other, wherein the ‘other’s’ loss is our ‘gain’, and we must protect ‘our gain’ from those that have less; when in fact there is no real gain, we are all only ever losing, and the ones losing the most are our children and the generations to come.

I will continue to purify the word assertive, and then redefine it in blogs to come.

Day 136- Why Do We Fear Making the Genuine Decision to Change?

          Within this blog I am exploring the self-compromise I have accepted and allowed in my life due to sub-consciously sabotaging myself in so many ways. I do this because it creates chaos in my world from which I can cry ‘helplessness’, thus giving myself the excuse to not have to stand up and face reality, and not have to stand up and change for real.

This blog is continued from Day 135- Stop, and Change, where I wrote out the self-forgiveness statements that allowed me to put my guard down and dig a little deeper into this sub-conscious self-manipulation. The realizations that have been coming forth within this process of writing explain SOOO much of why things just seem to ‘never work out’ for me, and these are points of sub-conscious doings that I missed within my entire series of writing out my troubles at school. However, within that series I exposed myself to myself in so many ways and peeled back some top layers so that I am now here, at this point, where I am seeing the nitty-gritty details of the lies I have been living. 

Small lies, probably millions of them told only to myself, mostly affecting no one directly but myself, and creating a crumbling foundation from which building strength, integrity, will-power and stability would be impossible. Now I simply have to take it all down and start again in such a way where I am honest with myself and who and how I really am, so that the foundation of Who I Am is something I can build into something I can trust and depend on. This can only be proven to me, by me, over time.

          Below are the self-commitment statements and self-corrective application statements that I have derived from the self-forgiveness statements in my previous blog. 

          The self-forgiveness statements expose me to myself in such a way that I can handle it because it is done within forgiveness, within the understanding that from here on out I will stop these ways, and change them. The self-commitment and self-corrective application statements assist and support me to practically script myself out, because in changing one has nothing to refer to or fall back on when difficult moments arise. If  don’t script myself out, I will not be able to trust myself to see, realize, understand, stop and change all in one moment- Especially because that ‘one moment’ is the ‘moment of truth’. It is the moment where everything is coming together and old patterns and habits kick in automatically and with a vengeance  In that moment it is too easy to become confused, uncertain, overwhelmed, give up and fall back in to my old ways. It is simply too easy to do so if I don’t have a plan, a practical script that I wrote by myself, for myself, in a way that I understand exactly what’s going on and what would be the absolute best and most practical thing for me to do, or action for me to take, that will lead to, over time, creating results that support me and that are best for me in my life. Thus over time, creating a ‘me’ that I can depend on and trust.

I commit myself to stop feeding my addiction to the energetic experience of control by stopping myself in those moments where I see that I am participating in self-sabotage which slowly over time, moment by moment, creates a lack of control in my life and world, and I know very well when those moments are, and I commit myself to looking at myself self-honestly so that I can identify those moments with clarity, directness and assertiveness.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing myself to participate in the self-sabotage that leads to loss of control (giving up on tasks/not seeing things through, ignoring issues, procrastinating, taking too long/being late ec…) I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to assertiveness, self-direction and clarity within myself by reminding myself that as within, so without: as I direct my external world with clarity, assertiveness and self-direction, so will I direct my internal world as such, and vice versa, until I am back in control of my thoughts, words and deeds in every moment.

I commit myself to learn what real commitment really is, by seeing tasks through till I am satisfied that I have directed them through to completion in the best way possible.

When and as I see that I am quitting on something, letting it go, considering it ‘dealt with’ before I am completely satisfied that it is done, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-commitment by reminding myself that it will create a LOT more work for me to do something half-assed than it will for me to out in the time and dedication to see the task through in the moment, and within the understanding that in the moment, I will bombard myself with excuses, justifications and validations for why I don’t have to finish, in whch case I use the tool of breath to breathe through and simply move myself till it is done.

I commit myself to bring my life and world back into control by specifically focusing on those tasks that I judge as difficult, and to see them through to the end within the understanding that it will be very difficult IN FACT if I listen to all my justifications, validations and excuses.

I commit myself to see through the lies I tell myself about how ‘I can’t do it’ and ‘it’s too hard’, because I see, realize and understand that I do this in order to not change, and to justify not changing, by keeping myself trapped in the illusion that I am helpless.

When and as I see that I am judging something as ‘difficult’ or ‘complicated’ I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to self-honesty within the realization that there is always a solution and a way to do it, it’s just a matter of taking a moment to figure it out, and then sticking to the solutions I decide upon. If it doesn’t work out, I learn, and then apply what I have learned and do it again until I am satisfied or until it is effective.


From previous blog:

"I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking control of my Life and world because then I would be responsible and accountable, whereas if everything is out of control then I don’t really have to step up to the plate."


I commit myself to make the genuine decision to change and to not just use self-forgiveness and partial-change to avoid negative consequences that I have thus far accepted and allowed myself to generate in my life due to avoiding taking complete self-responsibility.

I commit myself to investigate my desire to not change through writing self-forgiveness, self-commitment and self-corrective application statements so that I can practically apply myself in my world in a way that leads to actual change.

I commit myself to investigate and expose to myself the reasons for which I do not want to change in the utmost detail, so that I no longer use uncertainty as an excuse to continue to sabotage myself and keep myself enslaved to those parts of myself that I do not have control over, but which instead control and direct me.

When and as I see that I am letting go of my self-control and my self-direction in moments where it feels as though I do not have the integrity and will power to direct myself, I stop, and I breathe. I accept and allow myself to simply stop, and let go/breathe through the energetic experience I am creating thus accepting and allowing myself to face that which I am avoiding, which is the absolute fear that lies beneath the experience of uncertainty, so that I can stand up from within and as it, and assert myself as Who I Am in that moment, stating “I Am Here”, “I direct me”, “I decide who and how am am/going to be in this moment, NOT uncertainty and not FEAR, but MYSELF as the self-directive principle of me”, and I stop. I stop generating the constant and continuous internal experience of uncertainty, fear and the helplessness to stop it.

I commit myself to write myself out, and to expose to myself the ways in which I have created and manifested the helplessness that I fall into in moments of fear.

I commit myself to be the integrity and will power that I am min the face of that which I have thus far allowed to conquer and control me.


To learn the basics of self-forgiveness, sign up for the free course at DIPLITE, try it for yourself, you will be surprised at how you can surprise yourself.

Day 135- Stop, and Change

The fact is that I’ve realized that I subconsciously manipulate myself with self-sabotage, by using internal emotional energetic experiences such as fear and uncertainty. I use these as excuses to not move myself so that I create a loss of control in my life which justifies the certain specific habits I have which give me the ‘experience’ of control. This is an 'experience, and not an actual physical doing, thus it is just a feeling inside, and does not actually translate into any kind of peace/order/control in my life and world.
I am addicted to the energetic experience of control, and fear keeps me in line from letting it go, meaning, I both don’t want to stop, and am scared to stop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to feed my addictionto the energetic experience of control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to sabotage myself by continuing to use excuses and justifications to not have to seethings through that would give me back control of my life and world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up on things as soon as they become difficult or complicated, wherein if they are not easy or handed to me I find any excuse to give up, particularly and specifically with things that would give me the most control.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking control of my Life and world because then I would be responsible and accountable, whereas if everything is out of control then I don’t really have to step up to the plate.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue to participate in behavior that is not best for me, because my decision to

change was not genuine, it stems from the desire to avoid negative consequences, wherein, my desire to changestood in opposition to my desire to not change, creating friction, resistance and conflictwithin me, instead of understanding my desire to not change, and then standing up from within not wanting to change until I have in fact changed.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore my desire to not change until I understand iit in it’s entirety.

 

To learn the basics of self-forgiveness, sign up for the free course at DIPLITE, try it for yourself.

 

Day 134- Out-of-Control as a Mind State Only

This blog is continued from Day 133- I'm Out of Control:

I commit myself to move myself through moments of uncertainty as it arises, to see it for what it is: an emotional energetic experience that is not real, as it is not based on the fact that “I don’t know what to do”, because there is always a solution, even if that solution is admitting I can’t do it or need help.
I commit myself to NOT accept or allow the experience of uncertainty to be an excuse I use to give up and not move.
When and as I see uncertainty arise within me, as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back here within the realization that there is nothing to it but to do it. To take steps to keep moving through the experience with full knowing that I am going to bombard myself with reasons, justifications and excuses as to WHY I can’t do it. But I can, and so I just keep walking the process of ‘I’m going to do it, I am doing it, it is done’.

I commit myself to face the responsibilities of the moment and to not make excuses and run from them simply because I believe my internal energetic experience which Iknow doesn’t last.
When and as I see that I have created a situation in which I feel ‘stuck’ due to uncertainty, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-movement by reminding myself it’s not going to ‘feel good’, and it’s irrelevant how it ‘feels’, so I take a breath, I take a moment to myself to sketch a plan of action, and I execute it- no mind processing, just doing.

I commit myself to replace the pattern and habit of ‘mind-processing’, wherein I would move through the task in my mind and inevitably, always end up at a dead end or an obstacle, by actually doing the tasks and proving to myself that dead ends and obstacles do not exist because only when I die will my ability to move myself physically, through that which I decide to do, end, hence ‘dead’ and ‘end’ (within the practical limitations of reality).
When and as I see that I am moving through a task in the imaginary world of my mind, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself through to actual application by stopping my participation in the mind of self-manipulation because the I will see that there is only me, Here, and no amount of thinking will gt anything done, only practical planning and actual self-movement through and as the execution of tasks.

I commit myself to stop sabotaging myself by using the energetic experience of ‘uncertainty’ to create the disempowerment of experiencing myself as ‘out of control’.
I commit myself to stop this manipulation tactic where it starts, which is the first thought of uncertainty connected to and as the energetic experience of ‘defeat’.
I commit myself to replace the ‘experience’ of control derived through/as obsessiveness/focusing in on one thing, with ACTUAL control in my life and world, which equates to taking the self-responsibility to direct myself through the multitude of things that need to be tended to in order to ‘get myself/my world/my life together’, wherein I would actually be living a Life that supports me.

When and as I see that I am

seeking the EXPERIENCE of control through patterns and habits which give it to me, I stop, and breathe. I walk myself out of the energetic addiction to the EXPERIENCE of control by reminding myself that those things that give me the experience of control actually create the opposite, lack of control, which perpetuates the addiction to the energy created by the experience, as I would constantly feel out of control and constantly in the NEED for the EXPERIENCE of control, without ever having taken sufficient steps to get my life/world/reality under control in such a way that my daily living creates results that are best for me and support me to be and become a self-responsible human being.


I commit myself to stop manipulating myself to justify my addiction to certain specific energetic experiences, and I commit myself to walk through every step of fear that may present itself along the path of taking responsibility, as fear is but another manipulation tactic of the mind.

I commit myself to stop the cycle of control/loss of control that I have constantly and continuously subjected myself to and believed to be real/

Who I Am- it is NOT me, it is an experience, caused. by chemical reactions within my brain which produce different energetic experiences which have always limited and sabotaged me, bit by bit over time.

When and as I see that I am manipulating myself in ways which create cycles of ‘loss of control’, by, for example, doing the important task later, doing something else instead, doing it half way and not seeing it through, trying once and giving up, making excuses to avoid it, etc… I stop, and I breathe. I breathe myself through the mutual fear of both stopping and applying, and I simply stop and apply, within common sense, to take the point/task and do it and see it through to completion.