Day 110- Fully Committing to My Studies (pt. 2)

Getting Out of the Work: Fear Dimension

The fears I have in relation to the character or personality I have created around ‘getting out of the work’ are as follows:

1) I fear I will not understand this assignment and my work will reflect this, wherein I fear the teacher will think I’m stupid/dumb/slow.

2) I fear that if I start this work I will only see that I’m not capable of doing it so I might as well just not do it.

3) I fear I’ll never have time to do this properly, I’ve already pretty much failed”

Self-forgiveness for this self-limiting self-talk:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear not understanding this assignment and my work will reflecting this lack of understanding, and that the teacher will think I’m dumb/stupid/slow, as a result of the underlying fears of failure and judgment I have created and manifested within and as me through past thoughts and memories, beliefs and judgments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have built up the fear that I will not understand my schoolwork based on the fact that I have stored and held on to the past memories, thoughts, judgments and beliefs about myself in relation to school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories, judgments, beliefs and thoughts in order to create fear within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself to remain trapped and enslaved to energetic experiences of the mind, such as fear, and I see, realize and understand that I could have also held onto the moments of academic success and all the moments where I exceeded my expectations which would then balance out the fact that I sometimes struggle, thus I see that I as the mind am not basing my self-perception and my view of my ability on an equal and one assessment of my history within school, but have rather manipulated the information in my mind, without any awareness, to create fear, which makes me want to give up and not face anything, thus keeping me limited and enslaved to the delusional assessment of the mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my ability to do the particular assignment I have to do before even opening the book and trying, or starting the assignment and ‘talking myself into fear’ by participating in my mind of fears wherein I will automatically assume I will not understand, automatically assume my work will be unclear/wrong/bad, and automatically assume my teacher will judge me as such, instead of making sure I understand the objective of the assignment, and then opening the book and taking it one part at a time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto the fear that trying/applying myself is a risk because it may only serve to prove my fear that I won’t be able to do the assignment well, instead of facing that fear and simply moving myself to begin, within the realization and understanding that even if I don’t understand it, it’s not the end of the world, it simply means that I will have to direct the situation, by either asking for assistance/support from my TA or teacher, or re-reading the assignment more closely, more slowly, re-reading the question or taking a short break and looking at it again with a ‘fresh; eye.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt that I will move myself effectively through my studies and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not trust myself that I will do what needs to be done in order to do the work and do it well.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my assessment of myself within a lack of self-trust and an overabundance of self-doubt, despite that physical evidence and proof that I can in fact do it, and have been doing it well. Within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust my mind of thoughts, feeling and emotions instead of the physical proof of who I am and how I am, and instead of looking forward and striving for more, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself, making it more difficult for me to do the work.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear failure within my studies, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that it’s not a matter of pass or fail, but rather a
process that I can build and improve upon, taking what I perceive as ‘failure’ instead as indicators of what the teacher wants me to do differently, and then to change/adjust my approach to the material differently.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tempt myself to give up before I even start, because it is the easy way out that doesn’t require me to break old habits and patterns, let go of old beliefs and dare myself to walk through my fears towards self-expansion, as a ‘growing’, where the old must go in order for the new to develop.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to let go and give up ‘the old’ self I had created because of the fact that it seems safe and secure and comfortable and known. Within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the ‘known’ as safe, secure and comfortable, and the unknown as scary, insecure and unsafe, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I make my true self ‘known’ every time I push myself or face my fears.

Self-committments and Self'Corrective Application statements to follow...