Day 133- I'm Out of Control

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest an energetic experience of uncertainty within and as me, which I use as an excuse not to move forward and move on, but rather languish and stagnate in the moment in fear, not thinking clearly or practically, but rather just ‘stuck’ in place, not knowing what to do next or how to do it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create uncertainty when I have to move on to the next task, because I do not really want to move on and do the next task, I would instead prefer to escape the responsibilities of the moment which I do by creating somewhat of a ‘shut down mode’ wherein I lose all directive principle and instead create this entire experience of uncertainty which is an energetic experience from which I have much difficulty moving and directing myself within.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within moments/tasks/responsibilities that I find difficult/boring/unending, to try /attempt to escape those moments by rejecting/avoiding the process I would need to take to properly/practically finish up and move through the task in order to figure out my next steps and begin working towards the next task.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the energetic experience of ‘uncertainty ‘to sabotage myself to not completing the life tasks that are necessary to attend to, which creates consequences in my life and world that cause me to feel ‘out of control’, wherein, when and as I am ‘out of control’, I disempower myself from taking self-responsibility and also give myself an excuse to seek out not actual control, but the energetic experience of control, which I derive from participating in certain specific ‘bad’ habits.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to

manipulate my entire experience of myself in ways which create cycles of ‘loss of control’ which build up over time and accumulate into something that I experience as ‘big and overwhelming’, when in fact I actually know exactly how to stop it through practical application, and exactly the consequences of NOT stopping it, yet I do it anyways to justify and validate feeding my energetic addiction to the EXPERIENCE of control (and not actual control).

Day 132- Why do Women Always Want Other Women's Men?

Within this blog I will begin to work through the point of guilt that I have existed within and as throughout my life. Guilt is a point that has directed me very much in terms of my interaction with others in my life and world, at point that has had very much to do with how I experience/experienced myself as how I saw the myself as who and how I am, and it has led me down a destructive path of self-compromise as I constantly and continuously would attempt to ‘make up for’ who and how I am because I saw/see myself as ‘owing’ something to everyone. What I didn’t realize is that this debt that I perceived myself to exist as wasn’t something that could be ‘paid off’ through ‘paying it back’ to people and things outside myself. It is actually a self-created debt that is manifested through constantly giving myself away.

This is interesting because it demonstrates how guilt will perpetuate itself because in the attempt to ‘pay back what I had taken, I have been essentially giving more and more of myself away, feeling more and more guilty and indebted, thus creating the experience of ‘giving up’, limitedness and feeling trapped and seeing only dead ends. It’s like, the more I tried, the worse it got.

The point of ‘guilt’ is multi-faceted. I had/have manifested this point within myself through interacting with myself and others in such a way that did not honour myself and others as myself. If I can’t/don’t honour myself, I can’t/don’t honour others as me. Due to the factthat I was unaware of the extent of self-interest that was my starting point within relationships, I did not understand how I was creating more and more guilt in my life. Within this blog I am specifically looking at the guilt I created through relationships wherein, instead of treating my partners from a starting point of equality and oneness, meaning, treating them with the dignity and respect that I myself would like to receive, I would instead look for that dignity and respect from them without in fact giving it to myself and to them first. I am also looking at as this point in relation to giving as I would like to receive wherein, I have treated others, usually in secret, in ways in which I would never want to be treated. Also, I will b looking at the points of blame , which is an abdication of self-responsibility, as well as the resent that tends to manifest within my relationships.

To begin, I will be looking at early relationships in my life, starting with looking at why I chose the specific individals I ended up with.
A repeating pattern within the beginning of relationships has been becoming ‘interested’ in partners from a starting point of

competition with other women.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be/become attracted to males, to want/need/desire males, and to specifically focus in on and target a specific male, because of and due to the fact that I think/believe/perceive that ‘getting him’, ‘conquering’ him, manipulating and ‘seducing’ him would satisfy my need to feel superior to the women in my world with whom I am in competition- thus focusing in on and targeting men that others desire.

Women and Competition

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to view other women as my competition.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from other women within and through seeing them as a threat and thinking/believing/perceiving that if I can compete with them and win in some way then I won’t have to fear being threatened by them, and thus not leading me to perceive myself as ‘less than’, ‘less-deserving’, and;less important’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use and abuse myself and my physical body by/through using physical appearance, body language, vocal tones, wording, gestures and clothing to be/become of utmost competition with other women- thus suppressing my natural expression as Who I Am, and instead conforming, contorting and manipulating myself to fit into the idea, perception, belief, picture presentation of myself that I judge as ‘of utmost competitiveness’- instead of seeing, realizing and understanding the self-abuse inherent in this as the absolute denial of myself and my self-expression, and the abuse towards others as the men I manipulate/use/abuse for the sake of my own personal energetic experience as an apparent ‘gain’ in self-interest, as well as abuse towards women in my world, as I support and promote competition instead of actual beneficial support towards other women, as understanding and empowerment, and equal and one communication and interaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the inferiority/superiority game with women, wherein I would constantly bounce back and forth between experiencing myself as less-than other women, seeing other women as always more beautiful, more fun, more confident/together/mature.

Within this:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as not confident, not ‘together’, and immature, based on a fleeting internal experience caused by an accumulation of

 

thoughts throughout the day, week, hour, minute, month, year, that would create an internal energetic experience of inferiority in that moment that I would then project on to other women through comparison, and feed the energetic experience to continue it, because of the lack of seeing, realizing and understanding of what it is and how it works…. Instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the energetic experience is created and designed within me, by me, to perpetuate itself as an automated program without any grain of integrity as a self-standing of/as who I am and what I will accept and allow within myself, Instead, it is a complete and utter self-abdication to experience and to energy wherein I would direct myself within and through the principle of ‘I feel it therefor it must be true’, without ever even questioning the experience of cross-referencing it with my actual reality over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as superior to/towards other women, wherein I would feel more beautiful, more confident and more fun/together/mature, thus diminishing the other women in my mind in order to feed the positive energetic experience of superiority which is caused by fear of being/becoming inFEARior to another and thus directing my internal experience of/as thoughts/feelings/self-talk to the point where I would actually then physically change and appear more confident, more together, more ‘fun’ (not a true expression of fun, but rather a manipulative presentation of what I had/have judged as ‘a woman that is fun’), instead of participating with other women as myself, as one with myself and as my equals, that I would offer the same respect as I myself would like to receive, that I would not diminish in my secret mind, but instead being and becoming aware of that secret mind and exposing it, such as I am doing, in order to be able to stop it as the thoughts come up, so that I may never again be fooled by the mind within the insane logic of: ‘because I am thinking it- it must be true’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use males, and the relationship I am able to develop to/towards males, as a strategy/strategic point that I could use to, through successfully seducing, gaining their interest and desire, secure my superior position to/towards other women.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see males as strategic players in the game of life, because of and due to the extent to which I have separated myself both from men and from women, due to self-interest as seeing ‘my survival’ as the most important, ‘my fear’ as the one to appease at any cost to myself or others, and ‘my insecurities’ as so important that I should play mind games with myself in order to manipulate myself and use ‘players’ in my world to manipulate myself and how I feel inside in a desperate and never ending attempt to create the feeling of security and comfort- which once attained, always run out and never last, thus creating an endless up and down cycle of repetition instead of an inner stability that is constant and dependable.

To be continued...

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Day 131- Chasing the Carrot on the Stick

I’m taking a pause from the series I have been writing through because as the time has passed since I began writing out the resistances and difficulties I experience as a student, I have actually finished my studies. Therefore I will be focusing on what is in my immediate environment/Here within my writing, which no longer includes these issues. I’m writing now because I am experiencing within myself the resistances associated with the thought/belief that I don’t have any time to write. I have experienced this resistance throughout my end of semester exam period, and along with a new full-time job, I interpreted this as ‘too much’ within the thought, ‘I can’t do one more thing’.

Now I will never know if I could in fact do one more thing, because I didn’t push myself to try. There were perhaps some days where this was so, but not all of the days that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘loosen the reigns’ and not write myself out, even just a little in order to stay on top of my self-movement, my self-application and my self-directive principle.

Speaking in a chat with my DIP buddy today, I saw a point I had been missing in relation to this. She asked me a simple question, which involved the definition of ‘leisure time’. I thought about it for a moment, and I realized that I defined leisure time as ‘the time that is left over once everything else is done’. It hit me and she also saw that this is quite the contradiction, because, ‘everything’ is never ‘all done’. So, I realize I had worked myself up into this state of mind wherein I was moving from task to task in some mad race to finish everything so that I could get to my goal of ‘leisure time’, however this goal had been set by myself in my mind as an experience of ‘having it all done’. But life is a constant doing, it’s never ‘all done’ or else it would cease to be, and I would be dead. At the most basic level it is a constant doing, from the beating of the heart, to breathing, to eating and shitting, to having to earn a living and of course, to self-growth, self-change, and self-correction.

Looking at the situation in common sense, I then saw that even though I was living out this ‘constant never-ending doing’, seeking the experience of completion- I was actually not performing any better than if I were to slow down and breathe and allow for leisure time for myself to enjoy myself despite the fact that I have done 'completed everything', which is, of couse, impossible anyways. All of a sudden I see that as I slow down, I actually create ‘more time’, instead of what I previously thought, which was: ‘the more I get done, the more time I’ll have,’ and then of course ‘once I get it all done, I will experience release/relief/peace’. But what I didn’t see was that I was creating the tension, the stress and the experience of ‘no time’. I was/am the source of it, it is not outside of me as ‘all the work I have to do’. This is empowering because, as the source I am then also the solution.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest the internal energetic experience of ‘rushing’, ‘racing’, and ‘chasing’ the experience of ‘completion’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that this experience only exists in my mind as that which I will experience ’later’, and thus not something real that I am living as NOW, HERE in the present moment, indicating that it is in fact an illusion, acting as a carrot on a stick which I chase and chase and the faster I move and the harder I try, the faster the ‘carrot’ moves and the more difficult my current experience becomes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the illusionary reality I create within my mind wherein Life becomes the pursuit of made-up experiences which seem so real and possible to attain, yet which somehow are never quite achieved… instead of looking at the actual current reality of myself and my situation and what I have accepted and allowed my current/present state/self/reality to actually be, and basing my actions/decisions/application on this input/information as the actual real physical reality I exist within/as and share with all and everything else that is Here together with me.
 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that as I ignore my current/present state/self/reality, and instead constantly and continuously look into the future and chase wants and desires as experiences as the ‘carrot on a stick’, the quality of the current/present state/self/reality actually diminishes as it is not given the utmost attention, care and direction by myself, in order to create a living reality for myself which would actually assist and support me in the most effective ways possible.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give myself the present moment, wherein I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not tend to myself and my reality within/as the present moment with the utmost care, attention and direction, in order to direct my life and world to be/become one which supports me in such a way that I will be/become stable and able to support others as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to miss the present moment by spending too much time in my mind thinking about/planning/imagining/worrying about the future/my future instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the only way to practically create a future that supports me, is by supporting myself NOW, moment to moment, within the realization that the future does not really exist, the only thing that really exists is the present moment, and the daily application of self-direction within the principle of doing what’s best for all (which includes me- thus, is also self-interest as an all-inclusive self-interest where the interest of others is equal to and one with my own interest), which will always prove to be and create a reality that is supportive/best for all because the results are physically measurable and can thus be directed and adjusted based on physical feedback as consequences and friction, and thus able to be re-aligned back to what’s best for all.

Self commitment and self-corrective statements to follow...

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Day 130- The Pursuit of Happiness

Within this blog I am digging deeper into the self-diminishment caused by the pursuit of happiness. This blog is continued from "Day 129- Programming Myself to Succeed", and  "Organic Robot Programmed to Fail". In order to reveal the source of what drives me to pursue happiness, I am writing self-forgiveness statements and then deriving self-commitments and self-corrective applications therefrom, to both understand this 'force' and also to change it to that which is best for all.

 

 

 

 I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate and con myself that ‘what I want’ and what will ‘make me happy’ is being able to fuck off and ‘do whatever’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I really want is a world where all life is supported, including me, and this involves me first supporting myself in every way, to prove to myself that such support is in fact possible, and then to do it, so that I become a living expression of it, wherein I can support others as myself, which is unconditionally.
I commit myself to let go of the pursuit of personal happiness and in exchange for the pursuit of practical solutions that will create a world that supports all life, such as the proposition of an Equal Money System which would be the first step in doing so.

I commit myself to support myself in every way, I order that I may be/become the proof that such support is in fact possible.

I commit myself to support others as myself unconditionally.

When and as I see that I am manipulating and conning myself by pursuing the energetic internal experience of ‘happiness’- as if ‘happiness’ carried with it any kind of integrity, as if ‘happiness’ was something other than self-interest without any regard for the rest of life, and as if ‘happiness’ wasn’t something manufactured and sold to us as a seemingly attainable standard of life, juuuuust outside of reach. I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back down to reality within the understanding that although I experience enjoyment- of my environment, with others, with animals, etc… I understand that happiness is not valid, as it is complete and blind disregard for the reality we all exist within, where if I were to claim happiness, it would be done in the face of children sold for sex, human being starving, and most of life struggling/suffering in some way. I understand that happiness will be a valid pursuit once practical solutions have been implemented and all are provided for equally, and until then, ‘happiness’ actually borders in sheer evil, as it denies the reality of those whose reality needs to be addressed the most, and places self’s internal experience as more important than addressing/considering/taking care of the more vulnerable life-forms that are in dire need of support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand that supporting myself will involve letting go of many habits that I like and make me 'happy', but which do not support me, and

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to go through the withdrawal from these habits/patterns that I have lived with and become so accustomed to and comfortable with.

I commit myself to stopping my habits in order that I may face those parts of myself that I am suppressing and denying through preoccupying myself instead with habits and 'happiness' as distractions from the reality of who/how/what I am/have been/have become.

I commit myself to letting go of the false 'happy-go-lucky' self that I have thus far accepted and allowed myself to exist as, in order to become an actual real individual that is aware of exactly what is going on within self, and the world, in order that I may align myself with self-change and global change to that which is best for all.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that the withdrawal I will go through when/as I pull myself out of my habits/'happiness' is something that I can in fact walk through and direct myself through and ‘survive’, and I commit myself to see/realize/understand that the those parts of me the fear ‘not surviving’ are the parts that will in fact end.

When and as I see that I am accepting and allowing habits to be who I am, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that walking out of habits is necessary, and that the experience that I go through each time I stop is not enjoyable, but is necessary and is the most beneficial thing I can do for myself. I walk myself through to self-direction within the understanding that I have walked myself through the withdrawal many times already, but unless I do it EVERY time, I will have to continue experiencing the cycle of participation/withdrawal, which causes MUCH unnecessary friction in my life/experience.

Happiness is not real, it is an internal energetic experience super-imposed on top of what is actually real/Here. Reality is being denied for the illlusion.

Entire series: Blog Series

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I will continue to write out self-commitments and self-corrective applications in my next blog.

Day 129- Programming Myself to Succeed

This is a continuation from yesterday's blog "Organic Robot Programmed to Fail"

Within this blog I am exploring and investigating the concept of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ as a way of living, which so many of us do, but mostly to our own detriment (continued from this series: Blog Series- Becoming an Effective Student ). This topic was brought up in relation to the difficulties I experience while studying, wherein I have realized that over time, I have basically programmed myself, through a system of likes and dislikes, to want to give up and fail (easy way out= like), instead of fully commiting, applying myself and doing my best (difficult way= dislike). I have seen that this is not set in stone, likes and dislikes are choices, programmed over time through reptition of thoughts/words/deeds, mostly done in unawareness. Thankfully, this can be re-done, over time, in awareness, AS awareness, to actual real-time living Here.

 

Herein, I continue "de-programming" by writing self-forgiveness and deriving self-corrective statements and self-commitments therefrom, essentially, exposing myself to myself, in order that I may know what, where, when, why and  how to change:

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that life is about pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that there is only self-interest in that. There is no principle of equality and oneness within each individual pursuing their ‘likes’ and avoiding their ‘dislikes’,there is no consideration for the effect one’s life is having upon another within this, there is only the consequence of the world we see today: each man for himself, pursue moneyand indulgence, and avoid sufferingand poverty.

I commit myself to learn through practice, self-introspection, and actual practical application, what it is/ how to be a human being that is capable of seeing past the self-interest of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ to the bigger picture of the whole, where each one is an equal participant, and each action has an outflow/consequence on the rest, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, because it is the seemingly insignificant that make up the ‘bigger picture’ as Life and each one’s participation within it makes up the participation of humanity within/as this organism called earth.

I commit myself to function free from the ‘default mode’ of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’, in order that I may function based on decisions made in awareness, thus creating myself in awareness so that I am aware of the results that I am creating as myself in order to make sure those results are aligned with my best interest/the best interest of all.

When and as I see that I am mindlessly pursuing ‘likes’ or avoiding ‘dislikes’, signified by undirected behavior where my decision making ability is essentially ‘turned off’, wherein- my actions are automatic/looking for escape/preoccupying myself/’killing time’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the realization that there is only self-interest in this behavior, and the ‘self’ that is having its interests served is not ME as Life, but rather the experience of myself as internal energetic experiences within/as the mind as endless cycles/habits/patterns that lead nowhere but to slow and eventual degradation of myself, my physical, and my potential. I take a step towards becoming the living realization of self-direction by pulling myself out of the automation of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ and focus on my breath until there is no more movement, wherein I can step in as Myself, and take direction, and direct myself to let go of the want/need/desire to pursue ‘likes’ and avoid ‘dislikes’ and instead focus on whatever it is I should be doing, rather than what I simply ‘want’ to be doing, because I ‘like’ doing it, or rather than avoid doing it, simply because I have judged it as something that I ‘dislike’, because, as I have already brought through to realization, my ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ do not serve me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ lacks any kind of process of self-understanding, nor does it involve the understanding that sorting out problems and taking responsibility is something most all people will not ‘like’ doing, within themselves or the world. Therefore, when we live to only experience our ‘likes’, we condemn ourselves and generations to come to a world deprived of any real life or living, only a world of war as each fights for their own lives/likes.

I commit myself to thoroughly understanding myself and what makes me tick, including the causes for my ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’, in order that I may not be directed by some unknown part of me such as a hidden fear/belief/desire that would direct me in moments of unawareness- creating results as consequences that would not be aligned with my best interest and therefore seem like they were not created by myself, when in fact I am responsible for everything I experience within me, which is why common sense would dictate I become aware of every part of me- so that I can take that responsibility and not be victimized- but rather empowered by taking self-responsibility.

I commit myself to push myself to do the things that I have programmed myself not to like, such as being diligent, disciplined, aware and self-responsible, because I have judged them and defined them as being ‘work’ and ‘hard’ and therefore I have ‘disliked’ them, thus I commit myself to walk through my judgment of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ and create a path aligned with the principles of oneness and equality with/within myself and all that’s Here

When and as I see that I don’t understand why I ‘m doing a certain thing or acting or feeling a certain way yet I am being directed by pursuing a ‘like’ or avoiding a ‘dislike’, I stop, and I breathe. I take a moment to consider what it is I could be feeding or avoiding, and I stop. I bring myself back to self-direction and I give myself the opportunity to identify and face exactly the point I am avoiding, or withdraw from the point I am feeding.

To learn these self-supportive writing tools FOR FREE visit: DIP LITE

I will continue to write out self-commitments and self-corrective applications in my next blog.

Day 128- Organic Robot Programmed to Fail

Within this blog I am exploring and investigating the concept of pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ as a way of living, which so many of us do, but mostly to our own detriment (continued from this series: Blog Series- Becoming an Effective Student ). This topic was brought up in relation to the difficulties I experience while studying, wherein I have realized that over time, I have basically programmed myself, through a system of likes and dislikes, to want to give up and fail (easy way out= like), instead of fully commiting, applying myself and doing my best (difficult way= dislike). I have seen that this is not set in stone, likes and dislikes are choices, programmed over time through reptition of thoughts/words/deeds, mostly done in unawareness. Thankfully, this can be re-done, over time, in awareness, AS awareness, to actual real-time living Here.

Without fully investigating our likes and dislikes in order to understand 'what is this force that is driving us', we are essentially not the creators of our own lives and thus, not responsible for our thoughts, words and deeds. So what then is this force that is directing us, that we are accepting and allowing to act in our stead without even taking the time to understand how we created it, or even considering that it is in fact something created by ourselves.

In fully investigating these concepts and seeing, realizing and understanding how I have created ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ and how I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by them, I empower myself to take myself back and become a creator of myself in presence and awareness. In this, I can take myself back from the influence of the endless forms of manipulation, both internal and external, in order to walk, step by step, into and as a human being that is Living for Real, Here, in Real Time, with all other beings that are Living Here Together, in consideration of one another. This can only start to work if we work together in equality and as a oneness with each other. Thus, I continue here with my process of walking out of the mind and into reality, by writing self-forgivenss and deriving self-commitments and self-corrective application therefrom:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, believe or perceive that pursuing ‘likes’ and avoiding ‘dislikes’ is any kind of way to live, especially considering I don’t even understand why I like certain things over others, and also because the things I like are usually the things that are the worst for me.

I commit myself to Live Here, in Reality, without the internal or external influences that activate within and as me as my mind and direct me according to a system of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ that I created/manifested/developed within/as me without any awareness, to the point that I would be living a life that is not best for me or in any way relevant for all.

When and as I see that my thoughts, words and/or deeds are being influenced by an internal or external ‘pull/ or ‘repulsion’ to/from certain things due to my experience of ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ to/towards that something, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that the repulsion/attraction is not taking into consideration what is best for me, nor the consequences the action/word/thought will have within my life or the world, and on top of that, the energetic experience of repulsion/attraction will most likely lead me to thoughts/words/deeds that are not beneficial but rather quite destructive towards myself and my world, if and when I accept and allow them to influence and direct myself and my living. Examples of such things are: attraction to sugar, unhealthy foods, smoking, wasting time, gossiping, etc… and repulsion towards: doing my studies, living the words I speak, eating healthy, exercising, waking up early to go to work, tending to responsibilities in my world, such as finances and legal documents/paperwork etc….

 

Within these examples I see that, I am attracted to everything that would be to my detriment if lived out over a lifetime, and the things I experience a repulsion towards are things that would benefit me if lived out over a lifetime. This goes to show that our automated minds do not have ourselves nor our worlds in our best interest. Therefore, this proves the importance of investigating the mind and stopping the judgments of likes and dislikes, and any and all judgments, thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, etc… that do not have the best interest of all at their source.

 

The process of self-forgiveness makes this possible, and creates space to re-program oneself to equality to what’s here, meaning- no repulsion or attraction, but rather a oneness to what’s here- all beings, nature, matter etc… so that we may direct ourselves in accordance to ways in which through living action over time, results that are best for all will be created and manifested as reality....

When I re-read over what I just wrote, I see within me a reaction to the words “to re-program”.
 

When I investigate these reactions I see that I have a negative judgment towards these words. But if I remove the judgment and look at the words for what they are, I see that this is so: we have minds that are programmable, no one would 'like' to hear this, but this has been proven over and over again in science, commonsense and simple observable daily living. I can see that my habits are actions and behaviours that have been programmed by myself into and as my living by repeating them over time.

 

So now, when decide I want to live new ‘habits’ and ‘patterns’, I experience resistances towards letting go of the old ones, and then difficulty in changing, or re-programming myself to incorporate the new. However, over time, the new habits and patterns become easier, as my mind adjusts to the re-programming that I have done in awareness, wherein I will have replaced eating junk with eating healthy; staying up late and sleeping in late with going to bed at a decent hour and waking up early and rested for work; writing myself out at night in blogs rather than watching television/movies/killing time before bed, etc….. Creating myself anew, becoming the author of a new script, a new program that will benefit me and one that I ensure will benefit those around me and the world, by simply treating others as I would want to be treated within and through living the principles of equality and oneness (EqualMoney.org)

 

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I will continue to write out self-commitments and self-corrective applications in my next blog.

 

Day 127- From Slave to Master of Myself

This blog is continued from:

Day 124- Pursuing Likes and Avoiding Dislikes Is Not Really Living

Day 125- A Prisoner to Addiction

Day 126- Is Forcing Myself Abuse?

Within this blog I am continuing to write out my self-commitments and self-corrective applications in order to release myself from the self-created frustration I experience in my life, specifically here in regards to becoming frustrated while doing my studies.
I first lay out the self-forgiveness, from which I derive the self-commitments and self-corrective application which further reveal the things I participate within/as that limit and diminish me.

For the entire blog series which deals with the point of becoming an effective student, click Here. .

It’s interesting to see that within this single point of looking at all the things that prevent me from effectively completing my studies, I am revealing to myself larger patterns and habits which I have accepted and allowed to play out in my life, pattern and habits that I have literally become, which are self-destructive and have, over time, become issues that have held me back from so much potential that I had never realized.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that dealing with resistances in the moment may seem painful, but not dealing with them, and instead succumbing to them creates way more pain and suffering in my life.

I commit myself to being and becoming one with and equal to the resistances I experience, wherein I would literally stand within myself with/as them, instead of being less-than them wherein they would lead me and direct me to succumb, but within a oneness with/as them, and an equality to/as them, I can then take ownership of them, and responsibility for them, and thus empower myself to direct myself as them, in order to stop and phase them out as myself, and then direct myself in self-awareness to continue to support myself as Life Here.

 

When and as I see that I am facing or falling in the face of a resistance, I stop, and I breathe. I direct myself to become equal to and one with that resistance with the entirety of my being, and to stop and pull myself up and out of the trap of resistance, by literally forcing myself up, pulling myself by the bootstraps and continuing on to place one foot in front of the other in self-direction. I see, realize and understand that I will think that the resistance is the most important thing and it will feel like I should not stop, but I do NOT fall for this tactic any more. I also see, realize and understand that it will feel like the emptiest most meaningless moment in my life after I stop myself from participating within/as a resistance, or being directed by a resistance, but that it is also a short lived experience from which I will emerge a little stronger, a little wiser, a little more directive, self-trusting and self-assured, so long as I remain the directive-principle of me.

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone consequences.

I commit myself to live the realization that postponing consequences only leads to more consequences.

When and as I see that I am faing a consequence, such as an emotional energetic ‘low’ or ‘high’, a conflict, damage to myself, a situation that I have created, or any othe such consequence, I stop, and I breathe. I direct myself to take myself back from the influence of feeling/emotion energy, and walk myself back to self-direction by looking at the consequence and self-honestly assessing the best possible steps to take in order to control the damages. This could as simple as stopping my participation within/as it, or by writing it out in self-forgiveness in order to expose how I created it and script myself out into a solution that will support me.

To be continued…

To learn these self-supportive writing tools visit: DIP LFor the entire series leading up to this blog: Here.

Day 126- Is Forcing Myself Abuse?

Ever try to give up a habit, change a repeating pattern in your life, or stop an addiction? Life can seem pretty good, nice and easy, but when you truly challenge yourself to live by principle, live your intentions instead of just intending them, and really looking honestly at what kind of person you are it can be quite a challenge. From my experience, change in this way can bring one to the limits of what one thought was previously possible, and to the darkest depths of the mind that have gone unexplored for too long. Those parts that are protected with defense mechanisms, fear and anger. Self-forgiveness is the key to go there, if self is willing to support self, to realize who self really is as a human being within one’s own life and in the context of the world as a whole. Then to bring self-awareness and self-realization to real change through practical means, not faith, hope or spirituality, but actual tangible change in living action.

Here I continue my Journey to Life, taking myself back in the context of education, continued from this blog series: click Here.

When I am defiant within and towards myself it is due to the fact that I am experiencing something that I fear giving up. When I am doing my studies, it requires focus and concentration. This has been quite a challenge for me, causing great frustration. So what do

I fear giving up? And because behind every fear there is self-interest, as self is protecting self, what is the self-interest within/as this fear?

Fear of losing: Escape, the ability to ‘relax’ whenever I want (which really means laziness), the control of my mind to pursue likes and avoid dislikes.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to choose self-compromise over self-support because I fear losing my ability to escape from myself, my emotions and feelings, and the world, by completely letting go of my self-directive principle, and instead allowing myself to follow my mind into distractions, detours, ‘treading water’ as time, and basically not doing anything supportive/constructive for myself in my life.

I commit myself to let go of my ability to escape from myself, my emotions and feelings, and the world, ad to instead face myself head-on by taking back my self-directive principle  wherein,

I commit myself to direct myself to stand up from within/as the distractions, treading of time, and not supporting myself, by standing up from within the internal energetic experiences that I accept/allow to lead me to them, and the external actions of physical participation within them, by stopping myinternal experience with breath and self-forgiveness, and my external action with physical self-movement, away from self-destructive/self-diminishing patterns/habits, and towards self-support.

When and as I see that I am following my mind to distractions, detours, and ‘treading time’ I stop, and I breathe. I stop my internal participation in the energetic experience of escaping that which I’m avoiding by bringing myself back Here with breath, and within/through self-honesty, revealing to myself that which I am avoiding in order that I may direct my physical application to do that thing within/through using the self-supportive tools of breath, self-honesty and writing self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not support myself by pushing myself to do the things I want to do like study and do research, but rather to, in moments of resistance, just ‘relax’ by pissing my time away being lazy and not doing anything except watching television, eating, and hanging out.

I commit myself to support myself to stand up to myself, within myself, by pushing myself to do the things I want to do because I know those are the things that will support me, instead of simply doing the things I want to do because they’re easy, yet over time, destructive.

When and as I see that I am diminishing myself by taking the easy route/easy way out, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction by pushing myself to change my physical application to an activity that is supportive to me, specifically to do the thing that I am most likely avoiding.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT push myself through the resistances I experience, because I fear giving up my ability to relax whenever I want for as long as I want, especially when I have seen the consequences of this, which is that it perpetuates itself, and I end up eating and craving crappy food, I get fat, I withdraw from activities, and I end up feeling worse for longer instead of just pushing through the resistances when they come up and dealing with that in one moment, like a bandage: quick and painful.

I commit myself to get to know myself, Who I Am beyond the limited version of me that I have thus far accepted and allowed myseld to exist as.

I commit myself to force myself to stop the patterns and habits that diminish me and that are destructive in my Life, because I know that at times, Force Is what I will need to use, because my laziness, lack of self-responsibility, and addictions have become a force unto themselves, which is a force that I’ve accepted and allowed to become greater than me, and my ability to be able to choose Who I Am in every moment.

 

When and as I see that I am falling into the pre-determined self that I have accepted and allowed to become a seemingly uncontrollable force in/as my Life, which is signified by those moments in which I am doing something that I do not want to be doing, but I’m doing it anyways, because it ‘feels good’ in the moment, even though I know I will be disappointed and frustrated with myself very soon afterward, so I STOP, and I breathe. I support myself to FORCE myself to stop the activity, and comeback to common sense within the realization that that which I am doing will only serve to bring me down, over time, into depression, frustration and self-loathing… but if I force myself to stop, I will create a stronger version of me, I will not experience frustration and self-loathing, and I will avoid the unnecessary cycle of depression that comes from giving up on myself repeatedly due to not wanting to face having to actually force myself to do what’s best for myself. I support myself to be the disciplinarian that knows what’s best, and to listen to myself as that voice of reason within/as a ones with it, and equality to it.

To be continued....

To learn these self-supportive writing tools visit: DIP LITE

For the entire series leading up to this blog: Here.