Day 142- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 6)

For context, this blog is continued from:

Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath
Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 2)
Day 139- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 3)
Day 140- Assertiveness as Steadfastness as Breath (pt 4)
Day 141- Assertiveness and Steadfastness as Breath (pt 5)

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear living the word 'steadfastness' because I have concentrated and focused so much only on the hardest parts of this process of change, and have projected them out in front of me for as far as the mind’s eyes can see. I have not allowed myself to enjoy and enhance the change and the steps I have already taken towards expressing myself as the presence and the awareness I have thus far managed, however little or lot that may be.

I commit myself to stop making this process so much harder for myself by only ever being aware of the hardest parts, without also allowing myself to simultaneously be aware of what comes AFTER the hardest parts, which is the growth, the change, and a Life where I am actually living and expressing ME- not my insecurities, self-judgments, fears, doubts, and everything else that enslaves and imprisons humankind to a diminished version of itself.

When and as I see that I am creating the experience of myself as nothing but facing consequences, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness by reminding myself that if I am using the moment to think/manifest this experience, then I also in fact have the moment/opportunity to breathe, and let go, wherein I can remind myself that such an experience can just as easily crumble away as it was never real, and in that stopping I give myself the gift of real freedom- by standing up from within the influence and direction of the mind, and changing with it/as it, to the presence and awareness that I know I am In Fact capable of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play martyr to myself, demonstrating perseverance and steadfastness mostly in the face of my self-created hardships, which is like ‘treading water’, wherein I’ve enhanced the ‘hard’ part of this process while denying myself the gift of life that I am able to give myself in the ways I am currently able to give. 

I commit myself to breathe through my reactions towards the word steadfastness, particularly and specifically the fear that seems to take my breath away.

I commit myself to walk this process step by step only, and not pave a path of struggle and toil with my mind’s eye, which I would then manifest as my actual experience of myself within and without.

I commit myself to face and begin and continue to stop my enslavement to the mind-, and to the ups and downs of feelings and emotions, wherein I commit myself to continue stabilizing myself by pulling myself out of lows and bringing myself down from highs.

When and as I see that everything just ‘seems so hard,’ and my experience of myself is that of burdened and heavy, I challenge myself to stop, and breathe. I challenge myself to take a step back, to step away, and to bring myself back to the simplicity of the physical, by moving myself physically, to physically ground myself, and them to ask myself: what would I be doing right now if I were stable within myself, how would I ideally be handling this situation? And then moving myself to practically, physically do that. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an entire experience which allows me to more easily justify thoughts of giving up and self-doubt by only focusing on the consequences and the hardest parts of this process.

I commit myself to expand my awareness to also include and so to simultaneously enhance the change that I have already managed within myself- the stability within conflict, the stability within interactions with others, the ability to stop my racing mind at night, the ability to direct my world/environment to one that supports me and one that I am in control of in terms of things like finances, work, education, responsibilities, etc. Also, being more assertive within myself, moving myself through 'lows' to do things that are beneficial to/for me instead of being self-destructive, getting to work on time- every day, making time for myself to exercise enjoy the outdoors/do yoga/cook, staying calm in stressful situations, bringing myself back to stability when things seem to be falling apart, learning to HEAR others, learning to communicate more self-honestly, not participating in activities that do not honour me, learning how to ask for help, and when I actually need it, being more independent and self-sufficient, developing self-trust and self-worth, and the list goes on. 

When and as I see that I am narrowing my awareness to only include the hardships and difficulties of change, I stop, and I breathe. I remind myself that my mind will use/create any situation or experience to seduce me into giving up/talk me out of continuing. I remind myself that I gift myself the power to continue, every time I stop myself as my mind from manipulating me and how I feel within myself, by being aware of and stopping the thoughts that subconsciously direct my focus to all the hardships and difficulties and consequences, without giving any attention to what I have already accomplished. I remind myslef that I can in fact utilize these moments to assert myself as the change that I want to be, because each of these moments is like a test, will I stand? It is within m power and control to do so, nothing is stopping me but me.

To learn the basics of self-forgiveness, sign up for the free course at DIPLITE, try it for yourself, for free, and start to get to know yourself within a deeper understanding, in order to build a new self that you can count on.

Day 127- From Slave to Master of Myself

This blog is continued from:

Day 124- Pursuing Likes and Avoiding Dislikes Is Not Really Living

Day 125- A Prisoner to Addiction

Day 126- Is Forcing Myself Abuse?

Within this blog I am continuing to write out my self-commitments and self-corrective applications in order to release myself from the self-created frustration I experience in my life, specifically here in regards to becoming frustrated while doing my studies.
I first lay out the self-forgiveness, from which I derive the self-commitments and self-corrective application which further reveal the things I participate within/as that limit and diminish me.

For the entire blog series which deals with the point of becoming an effective student, click Here. .

It’s interesting to see that within this single point of looking at all the things that prevent me from effectively completing my studies, I am revealing to myself larger patterns and habits which I have accepted and allowed to play out in my life, pattern and habits that I have literally become, which are self-destructive and have, over time, become issues that have held me back from so much potential that I had never realized.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT realize that dealing with resistances in the moment may seem painful, but not dealing with them, and instead succumbing to them creates way more pain and suffering in my life.

I commit myself to being and becoming one with and equal to the resistances I experience, wherein I would literally stand within myself with/as them, instead of being less-than them wherein they would lead me and direct me to succumb, but within a oneness with/as them, and an equality to/as them, I can then take ownership of them, and responsibility for them, and thus empower myself to direct myself as them, in order to stop and phase them out as myself, and then direct myself in self-awareness to continue to support myself as Life Here.

 

When and as I see that I am facing or falling in the face of a resistance, I stop, and I breathe. I direct myself to become equal to and one with that resistance with the entirety of my being, and to stop and pull myself up and out of the trap of resistance, by literally forcing myself up, pulling myself by the bootstraps and continuing on to place one foot in front of the other in self-direction. I see, realize and understand that I will think that the resistance is the most important thing and it will feel like I should not stop, but I do NOT fall for this tactic any more. I also see, realize and understand that it will feel like the emptiest most meaningless moment in my life after I stop myself from participating within/as a resistance, or being directed by a resistance, but that it is also a short lived experience from which I will emerge a little stronger, a little wiser, a little more directive, self-trusting and self-assured, so long as I remain the directive-principle of me.

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to postpone consequences.

I commit myself to live the realization that postponing consequences only leads to more consequences.

When and as I see that I am faing a consequence, such as an emotional energetic ‘low’ or ‘high’, a conflict, damage to myself, a situation that I have created, or any othe such consequence, I stop, and I breathe. I direct myself to take myself back from the influence of feeling/emotion energy, and walk myself back to self-direction by looking at the consequence and self-honestly assessing the best possible steps to take in order to control the damages. This could as simple as stopping my participation within/as it, or by writing it out in self-forgiveness in order to expose how I created it and script myself out into a solution that will support me.

To be continued…

To learn these self-supportive writing tools visit: DIP LFor the entire series leading up to this blog: Here.

Day 125- A Prisoner to Addiction

This blog is continued from yesterday’s blog.

Within this blog I am reading self-forgiveness statements and deriving self-corrective statements and self-corrective applications therefrom. It’s interesting to place the mind on paper in this way, in forgiveness, because one can then clearly see what goes on in the darkness of the mind, as it is brought out into the light where it can be clearly seen, in the physical world. In forgiveness one can look at one’s mind without reaction, without judgment, and without excuses. It’s ‘hard’ to do at times, but because it is done in forgiveness and a commitment to change, it is always beneficial. Like the parable of the prodigal son, forgiveness allows one to come back to self, forgive self, and change one’s ways to that which is best/beneficial to self/all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate and con myself that ‘what I want’ and what will ‘make me happy’ is being able to fuck off and ‘do whatever’, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that what I really want is a world where all life is supported, including me, and this involves me first supporting myself in every way, to prove to myself that such support is in fact possible, and then to do it, so that I become a living expression of it, wherein I can support others as myself, unconditionally.

I commit myself to unconditional self-support, no matter how far my mind goes into self-judgment, inferiority and /or superiority etc, because I see, realize and understand that all life is ‘innocent’ because as Life, we did not know what we were doing, however, within this ignorance, there is still responsibility- a responsibility to self, and a responsibility to change and live the message of equality and oneness, which is to support others as myself, in this, to love my neighbor as myself.

When and as I see that I am wasting time doing things without awareness or direction, wherein, I am simply ‘going through the motions’ without point or purpose, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness and direction by supporting myself to become aware of Who I Am within that which I am doing, in order that I may begin to direct myself in the moment, to look in self-honesty at what it is that I’m avoiding, what self-responsibility am I not taking, and distracting myself instead with this mindless activity. I support myself to take a breath, to stop participating in the time-wasting, responsibility-avoiding activity, and to instead to push through the resistances by facing them head on, and doing exactly that which I am avoiding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to NOT see, realize and understand that supporting myself will involve letting go of many habits that I like, but which do not support me, and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not want to go through the withdrawal from these habits/patterns that I have lived with and become so accustomed to and comfortable with.

I commit myself to support myself to realize that the pain I letting go of a habit is always less than the consequences of continuing the habits over a lifetime.

I commit myself to be and become the living realization that commonsense dictates that I should support myself in all ways, and support others as me in all ways possible, to together realize that what we need to be is self-responsible co-creators of this world, so that all may be supported instead of fighting each other tooth and nail to survive in a world of plenty.

When and as I see that I am participating in a pattern or habit that I like because it gives me good/positive/comforting feelings, I stop, and I breathe. I support myself to push myself to let go, to breathe through the energetic withdrawal, and to direct myself to instead do something practical in the moment, and concentrate on my breath till I am stable again- no matter how long it takes. I remind myself of what I have realized: that just because it feels good does not mean it is best for me, and sometimes the hardest things I will face will be the most supportive.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have become so accustomed to and comfortable with destructive habits and patterns that it seems scary and impossible to live without them.

I commit myself to breathe through the

fear that keeps me bound to comfort and security, and I commit myself to walk into the unknown of myself in forgiveness, so that I may walk as a me created in principle, not likes and dislikes, but rather the principle of being part of and equal to the whole of creation that is Here, and to not accept or allow anything less than that.

When and as I see that I have stopped myself from participating in a pattern or habit, but am being ‘tempted’ back to doing it because of the fear of ‘what comes next’? and the belief that I will never ‘feel okay again’ without it, I STOP, and I BREATHE. I support myself to realize that this is a necessary abyss to cross, and that all that it takes is simplicity, simplistically placing one foot in front of the next, doing ANYTHING but returning to the habit/pattern, until I no longer feel the desire within me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear who I will be and become if I let go of old habits and patterns and support myself unconditionally.
I commit myself to become that which it is necessary to be in order to be an equal being Here, one with everyone else, and not an individual ‘I’ in self-interest, as I have become so accustomed to, as we all have become so accustomed to, that we do not realize there is another way.

When and as I see that I am not supporting myself due to fear of letting go of my ‘who I am’ and ‘what the habit/pattern gives me’, I stop, and I breathe. I push myself to support myself to fearlessly let it go, to throw it away and never look back, within the realization that Who I Am is created in every breath, every moment, and so in every moment I can make that decision to let go of those things that are diminishing, limiting and destructive towards me. Because I see, realize and understand that there is no choice in the matter of the fact.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing old habits and patterns of living that don’t support me.

I commit myself to stop defining myself, and defining life and what Life is by habits and patterns- to see, realize and understand that habits and patterns are NOT Life, and that if I am to be Life, I make that decision in every moment- whereas habits and patterns are not decisions made in awareness, but rather automatic, automated behavior that is more robotic than living, and that is not acceptable because it diminishes me and does not serve me in any way, and why would I participate and give energy to things that o not serve me? What makes sense is to support myself, and to support others to make the change, live the commitment and walk together to create a world we would want to leave our children. THAT is service.

When and as I see that I do not want to let go of a habit or pattern that I have always accepted and allowed to play out in my life, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to awareness within the understanding that I will have to face all my biggest fears, so I support myself to prepare, practice and program myself to self-movement, wherein I face my fears, such as letting go of habits, as if it were as easy as taking a breath, because in reality, it is that simple.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system of judgment of ‘like’ and ‘dislike’ to exist within and as me and direct me, even though I don’t even know when/how I created it, and even though I see it has a destructive/diminishing effect within/as/in my life.
I commit myself to create and design myself in awareness by slowly walking the process out of the automation of the mind, and into the living reality of the physical, out of the highs and lows of energy, and into the stability of the physical.

When and as I see that I am being pulled and pushed by pursuing ‘likes and avoiding ‘dislikes’, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the realization that that which is supportive to me is not necessarily going to be perceived by my mind as ‘feel-good’, thus I support myself to face the biggest challenge of stopping listening to the logic of the mind, of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’, and to instead listen to the common sense of Life Here, that doing that which supports me to stand as an equal participant in/as life, will create outflows and results that are best for all, and thus best for me.

To be continued...

For the entire series click Here.

To learn these self-supportive writing tools visit: DIP LITE

Day 114- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 6)

This blog series I am in the midst of writing has been quite a trip. I can’t believe the effect it is having on me in terms of my ability to do my studies and focus myself to effectively do the work. Before I would become distracted and frustrated to the point of not being able to do the work, and I would constantly hand in work that I knew was sub-par. Every time I would receive a grade I knew within myself that I could have done better. It had been very discouraging and created a lot of self-judgment within me.

Recently I had decided to really take on this point of not being able to focus within my studies, and it’s amazing to have seen the effects of this in ‘real time’. I have just now finished an assignment that I completed before writing this blog, and I have submitted it feeling satisfied that I understood the material and handed in a well done piece of work.

I have experienced this point of satisfaction several times now throughout my course, as I slowly reform my old habits into new, constructive habits. It’s a really good feeling because when I push myself to apply myself in this way, by following my own instructions that I had written for myself in these blogs, I am totally relieved of the stress and anticipation I used to experience when I would hand in my work feeling like I had not done my best, or feeling like I didn’t even know how to do my best.

Last week, I handed in an assignment that I had worked hard on, and I did not get a great mark because I had misunderstood something. But when I received the mark, although I was a little disappointed, it was still okay, because I knew I had given it my all. Sure, I made a mistake, but this week I made extra certain that I understood everything, and so I learned, I became more diligent. Whereas before when I was a student (before I started applying the Desteni tools in my life), I would have received a bad mark and it would have been crushing, because it would have reconfirmed everything I thought about myself, such as ‘I am not smart’, ‘I knew I couldn’t do it’, and so on, which leads to cycles of discouragement and giving up and not wanting to try or apply myself at all, and thus not being able to focus (among MANY other reasons, as is demonstrated throughout this blog series).

As I apply these tools, which are essentially writing tools which create a platform of self-support from which I can support myself to change, I find I am developing a new sense of ‘self’ within myself. Taking a moment every day to identify exactly what is going on in my busy mind as I study, and then really looking at it/analysing it/deconstructing it... I mean, even just taking that time pulls me out of my mind and into physical reality- which is exactly what I want to learn to do as I study- so, even in just the ‘act’ of writing I am practising a necessary component of the skills and qualities I want to be and become. So, in addition to this, the CONTENT of the writing is specific to what I experience when and as I study.

What I experience is: as I am studying/doing homework/doing an assignment, I am not alone, but rather have a new sense of self occupying my space. I realize I have a long way to go, but what I see is this disciplinarian within me, keeping me on track and catching me when I get distracted. It ‘catches’ me and gives me one little moment, maybe it’s a split second, I’m not sure, but it gives me a moment to make a choice: I can either continue with the distraction/frustration/discouragement/uncomfortabitlity, OR, I can take a breathe and decide to let it go and instead apply myself within my work.

At the beginning, I would just begin to NOTICE I was becoming distracted, later on, I would start to see that I had a choice. Soon I would start to make the choice, but I would still choose to continue being distracted. However, as I continue to write out my experiences, as well as experience the consequences of choosing the distraction (consequences as: feeling regret, getting mediocre marks, getting down on myself, etc…), I am giving myself more reason to choose to instead apply myself, which is what is in fact happening.

So in that split second of having that choice, I’ll experience a strong desire to continue being distracted and avoid the work, but I’ll have this ‘knowing’ that it’s not going to be okay later if I do so, and that if I choose to instead apply myself, that I will be satisfied with myself instead of discouraged/disappointed/frustrated. Additionally, I will not worry about what grade I’ll get. If it’s bad, then I’ll simply change my approach, if it’s good, then it’s like “Yes, I did that”. This way I avoid the stress and anticipation of waiting for my marks, hoping I passed. This way, as I am more consistently applying this and receiving good grades, I have begun to actually enjoy the work and enjoy the challenge.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I’m climbing a mountain sometimes when it comes to getting through tough assignments, I still put it off at times till later, and I still become distracted as I work. But now I can see a change within me, and I can see that as I continue, I am building a stronger platform, a stronger sense of self and a greater ability to make the right choices in those moments as opportunities that I have learned to provide for myself. This is why I strongly recommend that everyone try the new free course called Desteni I Process lite to begin to learn the life skills to undo the damage we have all done to ourselves, and re-create a new self that is actually supportive to ourselves in every way.

 

Here I am applying these skills within school, but they are skills that will inevitably support me throughout many endeavours. I can already see myself applying these specific skills that I have been writing out in my past few blogs, in other areas of my life, such as in a job interview, wherein I was extremely focused and aware, recalling things easily, and I did a placement test with confidence because I was not distracted by my nerves or the people around me. I also applied them at a meeting at the bank, where I was given a lot of information which I was able to retain and ask questions about, instead of just nodding my head ‘yes’ and telling myself I will read about it later (and then never do).

I mean, even down to the basics of directing myself to continuously apply for jobs and not give up or get discouraged. And to decide to work towards getting a better job instead of putting up with something less than ideal simply because I feel it’s all I can get, or not wanting to continue the very humbling process of job hunting. And even just going to the bank in order to talk with someone to set up my finances the way I want it to work for me, as I direct my life and my world to support me- even simply showing up to the appointments on time and navigating an unfamiliar city to get to them has been something I’ve had to work on. This may sound like small stuff to some, but those who can relate to any of this will understand how big and all-consuming these things can be. Life is in the little details, as the details are what accumulate to make up Life…

It really is about Life skills, and not necessarily specific to school, but very effective tools wherever they are applied. So this is my update, and I recommend everyone learn these tools as they are unlike any other as you will see if you read the Journey to Life blogs: there has never been anything like this published before, nor made available for free. So, to empower yourself, visit: DestniIProcessLite.

To read more Journey to Life blogs visit: 7 YearsJourney to Life on the forum.
For the series of blogs related to this blog, here it is:

Day 106- I Just Go Crazy

Day 107- Getting Out of the Work

Day 108- Just Doing the Damn Work

Day 109- Fully Committing to Studies

Day 110- Fully Committing to My Studies (pt. 2)

Day 111- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt. 3)

Day 112- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 4)

Day 113- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 5)

Next blog I will begin with the ‘imagination’ dimension of the ‘getting out of the work’ character that has been plaguing me long enough. For context go here: Day 107- Getting Out of the Work

Day 108- Just Doing the Damn Work

This blog contains the self-commitment and self-corrective application statements from the self-forgiveness I worked through in my last blog about not being able to concentrate within my studies.

Thus, this blog is a statement of that which I am willing to commit to, and the ways in which I will change my behavior (practical application of myself in my world), which will extend beyond school and into every day life, which is an accumulation of actions. Therefore, it is of the utmost importance that I am the directive principle of Who I Am within each action in my life, because the end result of me is an outflow of who I have been within each action.

Each one has the ability to make a decision in every action, I choose to do what’s best for all, which is not really a choice. I choose to be a living, breathing being that is present and aware, and not a distracted and entertained consumer consuming zombie that does not take all life into consideration in each action. But in order to walk myself out of this mind-state, I have to, step by step, release myself from the ways in which I have abdicated myself to my mind. One of these ways is not applying myself to things that I’ve judged as ‘difficult’, such as school, wherein I literally could not apply myself to focus.

This would probably be called ADD now, however, I intend to discipline myself within focusing, by/through walking myself back into my mind in order to see how I created the distractions that occur in my own mind, as energies, resistances and uncomfortabilities. I have come a long way since starting this process, and the two years I have already spent on this point, on and off over the months. I realize that it took me many many years to develop this point within myself, thus it will take a process to undo it. I realize there are no quick fixes or easy outs, and that it’s just a matter of undoing the programming I myself have done. Self-forgiveness releases this very effectively, and allows for the re-scripting of self, wherein, one becomes free to move oneself as Who One Is moment to moment, and not limited by any ‘state of mind’.

These self-commitment and self-corrective application statements are very specifically tied to the self-forgiveness I did in my last blog. So, for context, please visit Day 107- Getting Out of the Work.

I commit myself to let go of the past memories where I struggled and failed in school, and release myself from the energetic experiences I have created within myself in relation to them.

I commit myself to begin building myself as Who I would like To Be from a clean slate, as I daily clean my slate in order to not carry around the cumbersome burden of a past filled with judgments and self-definitions which, in believing them to be real, have limited me in innumerable ways.

I commit myself to slowing down my mind with self-awareness developed through daily writing, in order that I may SEE the thoughts that seem to ‘pop’ into my head without any intention of my own, thoughts which trigger chain reactions which build into energies that cause the task at hand to seem like so much more than it actually is, which is simply reading,
understanding, synthesizing, and regurgitating- as is the way it works in the current schooling system, unfortunately.

When and as I see a though arise in relation to past memories of struggling at school due to feeling constantly ‘lost’, I stop, and I breathe. I make the directive decision to ground myself back Here by stopping my participation of the thought and deleting it in one moment by not paying attention to it, and instead bringing my focus back to the work in front t of me, which I am NOT lost within, and which I can easily navigate so long as I read the material and focus.

I commit myself to base my self-assessments on the current reality of myself, and not upon past memories and self-definitions which I had created and carried around as survival techniques and self-manipulation to not apply myself and to not remain fully present and aware within that which I do.

I commit myself to stop the old patterns and habits I had accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as, because I see, realize and understand that it is not rational to continue my participation within and as them, as they only serve to limit and diminish me, and that I cannot accept or allow to continue.

When and asI see that I am about to start a project from the starting point of getting through it as quickly as possible, within and as the ‘getting out of work’ character, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to Here within and as functioning within physical time, breath by breath, and give myself as much time as I may need to do the work properly, within reason. I remind myself that physical breath-by-breath application will seem slow and even unbearable at times, but I move myself as the living realization that there is no other way, so to thus then slow down, take a breath, take it easy, breathe and continue from Here.

I commit myself to stop validating the characters I have created and existed as, by stopping my participation in the validating process of acknowledging and paying attention to the thoughts related to past experiences of ‘getting out of the work’, and instead focusing on the work in front of me breath by breath, and changing my starting point as my approach to the work, from wanting to get it all done as fast as possible, to actually making the directive decision to do it properly, so as to remove the basis platform of this character, thus not leaving it with any leg to stand on, allowing it to fall, and to then replace it with Who I Am Here as the directive of myself as breath.

I commit myself to stop perpetuating the ‘getting out of the work’ character, by stopping re-living it over and over, by changing my behavior as per the above self-commitment, from the point of realization, as the realization that this character is limiting and diminishing me, making me less than who I am.

When and as I see that I am participating in the ‘getting out of work’ character by looking at my work and only seeing millions of words on a page, creating this experience of blankness within me because I don’t yet understand them, as I have not yet read them, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to physical time by looking at the first paragraph ONLY, reading it through, breathing, and allowing myself to take a moment to absorb what it is saying, from words on a page, to information in my head, to understanding, and then on to the next paragraph.

Within this, I commit myself to stop perpetuating the ‘getting out of the work’ character by actually doing the work.

To be continued...