Kim's Journey to Life

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)

Day117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)

Monday, November 5, 2012

Day 117- Imagine School Were That Easy (Fully Committing to my Studies pt 9)

This blog is related to yesterday’s blog in that the following self-commitments and self-corrective application statements are tied in to the self-forgiveness statements made in yesterday’s blog. This is part of a series of blogs based around teaching myself how to be an effective student, essentially, how to learn, above and beyond simply memorizing and regurgitating information, but actually developing an understanding of the material by moving myself in real-time through the material, outside of the influence, interruptions, distractions and frustrations of the mind. Yesterday’s self-forgiveness assisted and supported me to peel back the layers of self-dishonesty revealing self-sabotage that I had/have been participating in as a way to keep myself distracted, diverted and ‘up in my mind’ as I had been trained to do my whole life, through school, media, television, society, etc… instead of simply moving myself as Life, here, present and aware in each moment.

I commit myself to look at and face the reality of the tasks I have to do by slowing myself down to real time, physical breath by breath time within the realization that I cannot effectively move faster than physical reality, which is what I’m attempting to do when and as I participate in imagining myself working through an being done my work/task/assignment before I evn start or while I’m in the midst of doing it.

When and as I see that I am going into the mind and imagining myself doing a task/work/an assignment in my head/mind/imagination and imagining it being easy and quick I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to real time by reminding myself that I cannot move/learn faster than I am physically able, and I am only physically able to move one breath at a time.

When and as I see that I am participating within/as judgments about the assignments I have to do wherein I imagine them being ‘easy’ or ‘difficult’ I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to reality by reminding myself that I am creating unnecessary relationships to the work/task/assignment within judging it, wherein there is no way I am able to know beforehand what level of ‘difficulty’ it will be until I actually do it, and that it is not a matter of difficult’ or ‘easy’, but simply a matter of moving myself through the work and doing that which is required to be done to get through the work/task/assignment as effectively as possible.

I commit myself to align myself with real time movement by catching, stopping my participation within, and breathing through the judgments I create and manifest within and as me with regards to how fast/slow I am moving, and how ‘easy’/’difficult’ the work is that I am doing.

When and as I feel that moving in real/physical/breath-by-breath time is painfully slow, I stop, and I breathe, I bring myself back to self-movement within the realization and understanding that it only seem slow because I am used to quantum-mind time, and it only seems painful because I am withdrawing from an addiction to energy, which is not present in real-time movement, wherein I only have myself moving me, and not energy/energetic experiences, so it feels like an emptiness/withdrawal, which is actually cool feedback that I’m on the right track, thus I embrace the experience and stand one and equal to it, as it, and stand up from within it through not allowing it to direct me, but instead to moving myself with/as it and thus changing with/as it.

I commit myself to walk through and learn from the consequences I have created/manifested for myself through separating myself from myself/Here through my participation in the mind, so as to not recreate these experience for myself, but to instead learn from them and change by changing the starting point of Who I Am within facing work/tasks/assignments.

When and as I see that I am creating, manifesting and participation in the ‘get out of the work’ character as a try/attempt to not face the self-created consequences of resistances towards the work I have to do, I stop, and I breathe. I allow myself to embrace the consequences, which I experience as resistances, ‘slow-ness’, ‘painful-ness’ and frustration/avoidance, by breathing from within/as them, and remaining constant/Here until they dissipate, and I place one foot in front of the next and move myself regardless of ‘how I feel’, thus proving to myself that I am the directive principle of me, and I decide who/how I am in any/every moment, thus taking myself back from the direction of the mind, bringing the responsibility of who I am back to myself and directing it as I would like it to be.

I commit myself to face assignments/work/tasks fully as my whole self, taking every step forward, back, around and through the work until the work is done and I am satisfied.

When and as I see that I am trying to make my imagination of the work as ‘fast’ and ‘easy’ real by not fully applying myself, by skimming over parts, or by finishing before I am satisfied, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to wholly operating Here by slowing down and making sure that I am satisfied with every step of the task/assignment/work before I move on to the next step, taking each step as an entirety and working from beginning to end within/as each step I must take to get through the work/task/assignment.

I commit myself to taking myself back from the self-separation of my imagination and bringing myself back to Here as present and aware, breathing in physical reality.

In my next blog I will move on to the point of creating a ‘wall’ out of nothing by bringing all my assignments/tasks/work I have to do Here in one moment, compressing time into something bigger/scarier/more stressful than it actually is- because in fact I can only take things one at a time, and that is the only way to effectively get through everything.

To learn these self-supportive writting tools visite DIP LITE

For the entire series:

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Day 116- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 8)

This blog is a continued from: Day 115- FullyCommitting to my Studies (pt7).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest an imaginary situation of me ‘zipping through my schoolwork with ease’ within and as me, as the result of not wanting to face the reality of the situation, which is that the schoolwork requires me to apply myself fully and over time, which seems slow and painful in the mind, because the mind is not used to working in ‘real time,’ or physical time, which is breath-by-breath, slow and steady, wherein, when and as I am faced with schoolwork, myself as my mind ‘zips’ through it, already imagining myself being done, instead of taking a breath, and actually doing it in real time, wherein I would do the assignment breath-by-breath and not create unnecessary relationships with it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself by imagining tasks as easier and less time consuming than they really are, wherein working in physical time will then seem slow and painful, when in fact is ‘just is’, and the judgment placed upon it exists only In my mind, as a result/consequence of imagining that it would be fast and easy, which also exists only in my mind, thus the entire scenario is self-created, proving it can be uncreated through stopping my participation in the source, which is my imagination/mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have created an entire character around ‘getting out of the work’ I have to do, a character from which I imagine myself easily ‘zipping through the work’, making it harder for me to face the actual work due to added resistances/judgments/relationships with/to/towards the work, thus perpetuating the ‘get out of work’ character.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to align myself with the reality of the work I face, by taking into consideration the amount of time it will require, and the fact that it will require many steps, both forward and back, in order to complete any given assignment or any task in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the mind of imagination instead of moving myself in physical reality in every moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about not just one assignment at a time, but rather imagine ALL the assignments, tests and quizzes I’ll have to eventually do, because I have pursued the energy that I derive from needlessly stressing myself out about school.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the energy I derive from imagining having to do an assignment, which creates a minor amount of stress within/as me, which I then increase by continuing to think of the assignments due in my other class, and then the tests and exams, until I am in a state of overwhelming-ness, stress and anxiety about school, which causes me to want to avoid it by getting out of the work because now the work seems like ‘too much’ to handle or cope with, thus manifesting the 'getting out of the work' character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make a mountain out of a molehill when it comes to my schoolwork, instead of simply taking it one thing at a time and just doing it within the realization that the only way to get through it all is by taking it one thing at a time, thus there is absolutely no reason to imagine anything more than what’s actually Here beyond simply organizing myself within a schedule.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compress time in my head wherein I’ll have to face everything at once, which is direct self-sabotage in creating an ‘insurmountable wall of work’ that is/was a completely unnecessary experience, but one which keeps me from simply remaining Here, walking step by step through that which needs to get done.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself from being Here, by creating energetic experiences within/as me through imagining scenarios/compressing time in my mind, taking me away from Here and pulling me up into my mind to deal with imaginary situations that don’t exist but that I make ‘real’ through participating within/as them by giving them attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the stress/anxiety/overwhelmingness I create by/through compressing time by bringing all future work/assignment here to face all at once, by reacting to it and completely losing myself in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and manifest stress/anxiety/overwhelmingness by imagining all of my work all at once, and then supressing these emotions by not looking at their source, but simply ‘living with’ a ‘ball’ of stress/anxiety/overwhelming-ness in my solar plexus, leading me to feel defeated and discouraged, not wanting to face my work, but never really understanding why, and instead of investigating it, I created the 'getting out of the work' character to avoid facing myself.

I forgive myself for NOT accepting and allowing myself to investigate the source of my feeling/emotions and then cross-referencing them with physical reality space/time which would prove they are not valid and can’t be trusted.

Self-Correction to follow.

To learn these self-supportive writting tools visite DIP LITE

For the entire series:

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Day 115- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 7)

In my last blog I gave a little update-type of post, and within this blog I am continuing with the ‘getting out of the work’ character, for context visit:

This is a character I go into and have gone into since the beginning of my academic career. It is an actual manifestation of myself as one who will do anything to not do the work that is required of me. This character is triggered by all sorts of

thoughts/feelings/emotions/beliefs/memories etc… that emerge within me when there is a difficult task, in this case, schoolwork which I find hard, thus activating this entire character within and as me that I have to fight with in order to move myself to get down to just doing the damn work.

It’s really not that complicated, yet I have made it so for myself over the years, decades now even, and so now here I am dealing with it. Untangling the web, tracing back each thread to its source so that I can take out the knots and kinks that bind me in order to re-create myself as a self that is capable of self-support.

Continuing herewith, the imagination dimension:

Yet another dimension of a character. When and as I am faced with schoolwork, what things seem to ‘pop’ into my head that can be classified as imaginings:

1) I imagine myself starting the work, and then effortlessly zipping right through it without the least bit of effort, and then getting on with my life.

The consequence of this is that it is obviously not in any way aligned with reality, therefore when I actually do sit down to do the work, and I read about what is going to be required of me, as soon as I see that it’s not going to be easy and effortless I’ll have a reaction. So, what I am not considering is the amount of

time that will be involved in doing the work, and the multitude of steps, both forward and backward, that inevitably take place within my studies and getting through the work.

2) I imagine an assignment I have to do, then I think about another assignment I have for another class, and then I think about the exams, and eventually I have compressed time and I’m now looking at all the assignments I’m going to have to get through and it just seems like this insurmountable wall of work that I’m looking at.

The consequence of this is that when I do sit down to do the work, it feels like I’m moving so increadibly slowly, and that I’m barely sratching the surface of what I’m going to have to get through in the next week/month/semester ad it’s like “how am I going to do this all?”

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my schoolwork as being super easy and seeing and visualizing myself ‘zipping’ through it in no time at all, wherein, when it comes time to actually sit down and do the work, I find myself feeling overly discouraged when and as I face a point that will require extra time and effort- more so than I had planned for within my unrealistic imagining of the event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an unrealistic scenario in my head, wherein all my schoolwork seems extremely easy and quick, when I know in fact that this is not so, yet I would sabotage myself by imagining such a scenario within a judgment of the class being easy, or myself being smart and experienced and more advanced in my studies than this class is designed for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge some classes as easy, when I know through having learned from experience that even introductory courses require learning concepts, memorizing information, reading lengthy texts and understanding and integrating new information, and can be just as difficult, or require just as much application as the more advanced classes I have taken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as more advanced because I have taken more difficult courses than the ones I am currently in, wherein I lead myself to imagine that these courses should be easier, when in fact I have seen that such a tendency to imagine the work being easy for me has only ever created the opposite effect, because I approached the work within the belief that I would not have to apply myself as much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach any work within the belief that I will not have to apply myself as much, within the assumption that applying myself takes more effort, when in fact applying myself only requires me to be present while I am working, and not applying myself is simply me allowing myself to be lazy, to be preoccupied, to be distracted and to be 'up in my mind' fantasizing and day dreaming which is always avoiding real life and creating more work and more consequences for myself. Thus, I see, realize and understand that fully applying myself is a skill that becomes ‘easier’ as I practice it, while avoiding applying myself always creates more work for myself soon after.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to justify for myself reasons to be lazy and avoid applying myself, such as ‘I have already done the hard stuff’ and ‘this work will be easier,’ instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that within approaching work from a starting point of equality and oneness, all work is the same in terms of Who I Am within doing the work, as I will not accept Who I Am as lazy and as avoidance within anything I do, within this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand as Who I Am as equal and one with/as presence and awareness, diligence, patience and discipline within my starting point when and as I approach schoolwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stand within a starting point of laziness and avoidance within doing my schoolwork/approaching doing work.

To be continued….

To learn these self-supportive writting tools visite DIP LITE

For the entire series

Day 114- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 6)

Friday, November 2, 2012

Day 114- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 6)

This blog series I am in the midst of writing has been quite a trip. I can’t believe the effect it is having on me in terms of my ability to do my studies and focus myself to effectively do the work. Before I would become distracted and frustrated to the point of not being able to do the work, and I would constantly hand in work that I knew was sub-par. Every time I would receive a grade I knew within myself that I could have done better. It had been very discouraging and created a lot of self-judgment within me.

Recently I had decided to really take on this point of not being able to focus within my studies, and it’s amazing to have seen the effects of this in ‘real time’. I have just now finished an assignment that I completed before writing this blog, and I have submitted it feeling satisfied that I understood the material and handed in a well done piece of work.

I have experienced this point of satisfaction several times now throughout my course, as I slowly reform my old habits into new, constructive habits. It’s a really good feeling because when I push myself to apply myself in this way, by following my own instructions that I had written for myself in these blogs, I am totally relieved of the stress and anticipation I used to experience when I would hand in my work feeling like I had not done my best, or feeling like I didn’t even know how to do my best.

Last week, I handed in an assignment that I had worked hard on, and I did not get a great mark because I had misunderstood something. But when I received the mark, although I was a little disappointed, it was still okay, because I knew I had given it my all. Sure, I made a mistake, but this week I made extra certain that I understood everything, and so I learned, I became more diligent. Whereas before when I was a student (before I started applying the Desteni tools in my life), I would have received a bad mark and it would have been crushing, because it would have reconfirmed everything I thought about myself, such as ‘I am not smart’, ‘I knew I couldn’t do it’, and so on, which leads to cycles of discouragement and giving up and not wanting to try or apply myself at all, and thus not being able to focus (among MANY other reasons, as is demonstrated throughout this blog series).

As I apply these tools, which are essentially writing tools which create a platform of self-support from which I can support myself to change, I find I am developing a new sense of ‘self’ within myself. Taking a moment every day to identify exactly what is going on in my busy mind as I study, and then really looking at it/analysing it/deconstructing it... I mean, even just taking that time pulls me out of my mind and into physical reality- which is exactly what I want to learn to do as I study- so, even in just the ‘act’ of writing I am practising a necessary component of the skills and qualities I want to be and become. So, in addition to this, the CONTENT of the writing is specific to what I experience when and as I study.

What I experience is: as I am studying/doing homework/doing an assignment, I am not alone, but rather have a new sense of self occupying my space. I realize I have a long way to go, but what I see is this disciplinarian within me, keeping me on track and catching me when I get distracted. It ‘catches’ me and gives me one little moment, maybe it’s a split second, I’m not sure, but it gives me a moment to make a choice: I can either continue with the distraction/frustration/discouragement/uncomfortabitlity, OR, I can take a breathe and decide to let it go and instead apply myself within my work.

At the beginning, I would just begin to NOTICE I was becoming distracted, later on, I would start to see that I had a choice. Soon I would start to make the choice, but I would still choose to continue being distracted. However, as I continue to write out my experiences, as well as experience the consequences of choosing the distraction (consequences as: feeling regret, getting mediocre marks, getting down on myself, etc…), I am giving myself more reason to choose to instead apply myself, which is what is in fact happening.

So in that split second of having that choice, I’ll experience a strong desire to continue being distracted and avoid the work, but I’ll have this ‘knowing’ that it’s not going to be okay later if I do so, and that if I choose to instead apply myself, that I will be satisfied with myself instead of discouraged/disappointed/frustrated. Additionally, I will not worry about what grade I’ll get. If it’s bad, then I’ll simply change my approach, if it’s good, then it’s like “Yes, I did that”. This way I avoid the stress and anticipation of waiting for my marks, hoping I passed. This way, as I am more consistently applying this and receiving good grades, I have begun to actually enjoy the work and enjoy the challenge.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I’m climbing a mountain sometimes when it comes to getting through tough assignments, I still put it off at times till later, and I still become distracted as I work. But now I can see a change within me, and I can see that as I continue, I am building a stronger platform, a stronger sense of self and a greater ability to make the right choices in those moments as opportunities that I have learned to provide for myself. This is why I strongly recommend that everyone try the new free course called Desteni I Process lite to begin to learn the life skills to undo the damage we have all done to ourselves, and re-create a new self that is actually supportive to ourselves in every way.

Here I am applying these skills within school, but they are skills that will inevitably support me throughout many endeavours. I can already see myself applying these specific skills that I have been writing out in my past few blogs, in other areas of my life, such as in a job interview, wherein I was extremely focused and aware, recalling things easily, and I did a placement test with confidence because I was not distracted by my nerves or the people around me. I also applied them at a meeting at the bank, where I was given a lot of information which I was able to retain and ask questions about, instead of just nodding my head ‘yes’ and telling myself I will read about it later (and then never do).

I mean, even down to the basics of directing myself to continuously apply for jobs and not give up or get discouraged. And to decide to work towards getting a better job instead of putting up with something less than ideal simply because I feel it’s all I can get, or not wanting to continue the very humbling process of job hunting. And even just going to the bank in order to talk with someone to set up my finances the way I want it to work for me, as I direct my life and my world to support me- even simply showing up to the appointments on time and navigating an unfamiliar city to get to them has been something I’ve had to work on. This may sound like small stuff to some, but those who can relate to any of this will understand how big and all-consuming these things can be. Life is in the little details, as the details are what accumulate to make up Life…

It really is about Life skills, and not necessarily specific to school, but very effective tools wherever they are applied. So this is my update, and I recommend everyone learn these tools as they are unlike any other as you will see if you read the Journey to Life blogs: there has never been anything like this published before, nor made available for free. So, to empower yourself, visit: DestniIProcessLite.

To read more Journey to Life blogs visit: 7 YearsJourney to Life on the forum.
For the series of blogs related to this blog, here it is:

Next blog I will begin with the ‘imagination’ dimension of the ‘getting out of the work’ character that has been plaguing me long enough. For context go here: Day 107- Getting Out of the Work

Day 113- Fully Committing to my Studies (pt 5)

This blog is continued from a series of blogs where I am working through not taking any more bullshit from myself in terms of wavering within my studies. Am currently finishing a degree in political science, at a university level, and over the past two years I’ve had an extreme wake-up call in terms of dealing with my own self-created consequences in relation to my ability to learn, study and focus as a student (for context, read the blogs included in this series listed at the end of this blog).

This is not to say that the

education system itself is not in some ways responsible, as it teaches most students, throughout the elementary and high school years, to only memorize and regurgitate information, as well as to ‘produce’ work, rather than focusing on the actual learning processes unique to each individual student.

However, after taking the

time to learn the life skills of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, and self-corrective application, I am learning to train myself to focus and direct myself to be able to learn, through teaching myself, within any system I am confronted with. (To learn these tools for yourself, try this free course: lite.desteniiprocess.com/). Currently, and throughout my university degree, I have been at the top of most of my classes, which is noteworthy because previously, I had struggled to get by.

Throughout elementary school and high school, I felt I ‘slipped through the cracks’, but managed to ‘fake it’ using many techniques known to most students, wherein the information is usually lost shortly afterwards, and an actual understanding rarely occurs. Once I got into college, this technique no longer worked, and I actually believed I was simply unable to cope, and I failed most classes until I became too discouraged and finally quit.

The processes I went through to get to that point are the processes I’m dealing with now, wherein I am literally up against myself’ as who I had created myself as, including bad habits, giving up, self-judgment, fears and distractibility etc… Here I continue to do un-do these patterns, in order that I may re-create myself with awareness, within taking responsibility for myself within that which I commit myself to. In this way, my education has become my self-education, and although it has not been easy, I have proven one thing to myself: I will not give up.

Herein, I continue with my self-commitments and self-corrective statement which are derived from the self-forgiveness statement found here: Day 110- FullyCommitting to my Studies (pt 2).

I commit myself to, when and as I am faced with an obstacle with regards to my studies (whether it be a self-created obstacle such as the fear of failure causing me to not want to start an assignment, or an actual obstacle of not understanding the material, not having the right material, etc…) to direct myself to

seek out the appropriate resources, whether it be my teacher or TA, or looking something up online, or simply stopping and slowing down and re-reading the material, until the obstacle is effectively overcome and I have directed myself through it.

When and as I see that I am creating resistances towards doing the assignment within me by holding on to the fear that trying/applying myself is a risk because it may only lead to proving I will not be able to do the work, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-direction within the understanding that, in participating within/as this fear I am only creating a new obstacle for myself, without first simply applying myself to find out if any actual obstacles exist. I see/realize and understand that if I do in fact meet an actually obstacle, that it does not mean I have failed or will never understand, it only means that I will have to take the extra necessary steps to direct myself through the obstacle as efficiently/effectively as possible, so as to resume the work at hand. Therefore, I see, realize and understand that working through obstacles is actually a component of learning and will be present throughout my life, thus, I direct myself to place one foot in front of the other, so to speak, as I take on the obstacles that will inevitably come up within my studies/life ,to give myself the time, patienc and awareness to work at them until I am through and satisfied (for school, specifically: by either asking for assistance/support from my TA or teacher, or re-reading the assignment more closely, more slowly, re-reading the question or taking a short break and looking at it again with a ‘fresh; eye).

I commit myself to develop the self-trust necessary to face the obstacles that will inevitably arise in my life/studies, by reminding myself that I have thus far gotten through everything necessary, and that there is always ‘a way’, even if it means taking a different way: I will not give up.

When and as I see that I am participating within/as self-doubt, I stop, and I breathe. I replace that self-doubt with self-trust by reminding myself that I create self-doubt by bringing up memories of past struggles and project them into the future, whereas I could just as easily remind myself that, although I have indeed struggled, that I have gotten this far by doing the actual work, thus I have proven to myself that I will do the actual work, even if it involves some struggling.
Within this:

I commit myself to continue taking this process one step at a time, and to continue to push myself through school, even though at times it feels really difficult because I’m not used to it, I’m used to the easy life of giving up and giving in, so actually trying/applying myself ‘seems’ hard and difficult, but it is simply doing things a new way.

When and as I see that I am creating and manifesting the fear of failure within and as me, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to presence and awareness by reminding myself that failure is not the end of the world, but rather a miss-take, wherein I would have done something in a way that is not acceptable to the prof, and thus must simply correct it, and do a re-take, by either speaking to the prof, explaining my misunderstanding, and re-doing the assignment, or applying the new method within the next assignment. Within this, I see/realize/understand that in this sense, failure does not exist, because the only way I can truly fail at this endeavor is if I quit, which I will not do.

I commit myself to let go of the ‘self’ I had created myself as I unawareness, the ‘old self’ that gives up, the old habits and patterns of defeat, in order that I may re-script a new self, one that I can live with.

I commit myself to letting go of the comfort and security of old patterns and habits, in order to create new one that actually serve me.

I commit myself to walk out of old patterns and habits and into the unknown of the new without fear.

When and as I see that I am fearing letting go of ‘parts of me’/my old self/past self-definitions because it feels like I am ‘losing’ something, I stop, and I breathe. I bring myself back to self-honesty by reminding myself that I am simply letting go of that which did not serve me: keeping what works and letting go of that which limits me- and doing so as a self-directed and specific daily action and practice of Who I am as a self-directed decision.

For entire series: